Dear pestilent swine:
For the past four days, I've been feeling like this guy:
OK, maybe not exactly like that, but you get the point.
I've been on the Lindsay Lohan health plan for the past week. No, not a continuous stream of vodka, cigarettes, semen and blow, but rather ejecting every bit of nutrition from my body with extreme force.
In four days, all I've eaten are six Ritz-Bits Peanut Butter Crackers, 3/4 of a bottle of Gatorade, five Triscuits and two glasses of ginger ale. I tried a slice of pizza last night, but no -- you had to rob me of my favorite food. For that, I will never forgive you, you utter bastard.
That being said, I'm evicting your ass immediately. Get out and take your virulence with you. Oh and tell your buddy, Mr. Head-Cold-From-Hell to GTFO too. Seriously -- I've had enough of being Little Miss Infirmary.
You have twenty-four hours.
Sincerely:
The Management.
For the past four days, I've been feeling like this guy:
OK, maybe not exactly like that, but you get the point.
I've been on the Lindsay Lohan health plan for the past week. No, not a continuous stream of vodka, cigarettes, semen and blow, but rather ejecting every bit of nutrition from my body with extreme force.
In four days, all I've eaten are six Ritz-Bits Peanut Butter Crackers, 3/4 of a bottle of Gatorade, five Triscuits and two glasses of ginger ale. I tried a slice of pizza last night, but no -- you had to rob me of my favorite food. For that, I will never forgive you, you utter bastard.
That being said, I'm evicting your ass immediately. Get out and take your virulence with you. Oh and tell your buddy, Mr. Head-Cold-From-Hell to GTFO too. Seriously -- I've had enough of being Little Miss Infirmary.
You have twenty-four hours.
Sincerely:
The Management.
2 comments on "An Open Letter To My Stomach Bug"
Ugh. I think I've read about this on every single blog you have + twitter (Yea, I read ALL YO SHIT. You like it.) and I still have the same reaction: 45% grossed out, 50% "Yep, been there... and it's still gross," and 5% incredibly fascinated by how gross it is.
Feel better!
Thanks for the feel better wishes. My immune system is like Clay Aiken in a fist fight. It lays down and stays down.
Oh and LOVE the fact that you read ALL MAH SHIT 'cause I read ALL YO SHIT too!
Lost is two weeks! I can't wait!!
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