January 10, 2008

An Open Letter To My Stomach Bug

Posted by Miss Jaime at Thursday, January 10, 2008
Dear pestilent swine:

For the past four days, I've been feeling like this guy:



OK, maybe not exactly like that, but you get the point.

I've been on the Lindsay Lohan health plan for the past week. No, not a continuous stream of vodka, cigarettes, semen and blow, but rather ejecting every bit of nutrition from my body with extreme force.

In four days, all I've eaten are six Ritz-Bits Peanut Butter Crackers, 3/4 of a bottle of Gatorade, five Triscuits and two glasses of ginger ale. I tried a slice of pizza last night, but no -- you had to rob me of my favorite food. For that, I will never forgive you, you utter bastard.

That being said, I'm evicting your ass immediately. Get out and take your virulence with you. Oh and tell your buddy, Mr. Head-Cold-From-Hell to GTFO too. Seriously -- I've had enough of being Little Miss Infirmary.

You have twenty-four hours.

Sincerely:

The Management.

2 comments on "An Open Letter To My Stomach Bug"

Andrea on 5:06 PM said...

Ugh. I think I've read about this on every single blog you have + twitter (Yea, I read ALL YO SHIT. You like it.) and I still have the same reaction: 45% grossed out, 50% "Yep, been there... and it's still gross," and 5% incredibly fascinated by how gross it is.

Feel better!

Miss Jaime on 10:13 AM said...

Thanks for the feel better wishes. My immune system is like Clay Aiken in a fist fight. It lays down and stays down.

Oh and LOVE the fact that you read ALL MAH SHIT 'cause I read ALL YO SHIT too!

Lost is two weeks! I can't wait!!

 

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