There's no place like home

I don't have many Christmas traditions but every year, I insist on watching The Wizard of Oz before December 25. I've noticed a pattern in which I have a much better holiday the years I watch the movie than years I don't.

So, last night while watching TV, Dan and I had the following conversation:

Dan: We better watch The Wizard of Oz before we leave for Florida.
Jaime: Why? It'll be on TNT like, eighty times before Christmas.
Dan: Yeah, but I'm not risking a plane crash because we didn't watch your Christmas movie.

The fact that I'm utterly unhinged has finally infected my poor fiance.

Everyone together now -- "I could while away the hours/Conferring with the flowers/Consulting with the raaainnn...."

Oh stupid Oscar, when are you going to learn that there's no such thing as free shrimp?

The 81st Academy Awards are in just a few short hours and unlike years past, I'm actually looking forward to them. I've heard that the telecast has been revamped and modernized and while I love the classic schtick of Billy Crystal, I'm excited to see what Hugh Jackman will bring to the table.

I'm also psyched for the pre-show this year. In my world, gossip and judgment are the bee's knees, so bring on the glittering, bulimia-inspiring starlets drenched in diamonds! In years past, the stars have always talked about the jewelry they're wearing and how much it costs. Seeing as the icy grip of recession as taken ahold of the country, doing so this year might be a little gauche to say the least. However, I'm sure one dumbass will roll up and blurt it out. Puffy, I'm looking at you.

Like pretty much everyone else in the country, I've made predictions as to who will be taking home the gold tonight. Check them out and let me know if you agree.

Best Picture

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire - Lots of buzz, heartwrenching story, dazzling visuals and ethnicity abounds. It's a shoe-in.

Best Director

Danny Boyle – Slumdog Millionaire - He's up against some stiff competition, but I think Boyle will end up taking home a very pretty paperweight.
Stephen Daldry – The Reader
David Fincher – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard – Frost/Nixon
Gus Van Sant – Milk

Best Actor

Richard Jenkins – The Visitor
Frank Langella – Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn – Milk
Brad Pitt – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke – The Wrestler -- I loved Langella in Frost-Nixon. His portrayal of Richard Nixon is flawless, but as good as his performance was, it doesn't compare to Rourke's. Why? Because Langella merely played Nixon where as Rourke was Randy 'The Ram' Robinson. Both underdogs, both down on their luck and both desperately trying for one more shot at glory. Hollywood loves it when life imitates art and will reward Rourke for this portrayal handsomely.

Best Actress

Anne Hathaway – Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie – Changeling
Melissa Leo – Frozen River
Meryl Streep – Doubt
Kate Winslet – The Reader -- I know there's been a bit of controversy about this picture lately, but that doesn't discount the fact that Winslet is both a phenomenal actress and really damn likable. Couple that with the fact that she's a five-time nominee and hasn't taken home a statuette yet and the odds look good, but she's up against some serious competition, so I'm not entirely certain about the outcome of this one.

Best Supporting Actor

Josh Brolin – Milk
Robert Downey, Jr. – Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman – Doubt
Heath Ledger – The Dark Knight -- Come on. There's no way Ledger's not going to win this award. Barring the obvious reason, Ledger really was phenomenal as The Joker. He reinfused the character with a sociopathic glee that has only been seen in the graphic novels up until this point. Jack was good, but Heath was great.
Michael Shannon – Revolutionary Road

Best Supporting Actress

Amy Adams – Doubt
Penélope Cruz – Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis – Doubt
Taraji P. Henson – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button -- Tough competition again, but I predict Henson FTW.
Marisa Tomei – The Wrestler

Best Original Screenplay

WALL-E - Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon and Pete Docter
Happy-Go-Lucky - Mike Leigh
Frozen River - Courtney Hunt
In Bruges - Martin McDonagh
Milk - Dustin Lance Black -- As much as I liked Wall-E and as funny as In Bruges is, Milk is where it's at.

Best Adapted Screenplay

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Eric Roth and Robin Swicord
Frost/Nixon - Peter Morgan
The Reader - David Hare
Slumdog Millionaire - Simon Beaufoy
Doubt - John Patrick Shanley-- What's hotter than Catholic guilt? Movies about books about Catholic guilt!

Best Animated Feature

Bolt – Chris Williams and Byron Howard
Kung Fu Panda – Mark Osborne and John Stevenson
WALL-E – Andrew Stanton -- Bolt features Miley Cyrus. Anything featuring that banal succubus is immediately disqualified. My loathing of Miss Cyrus aside, Wall-E was incredible. Gorgeous animation and a great message. Loved it and so will Oscar.

Suck it, Jesus. This award is my God now.

The Golden Globe nominations came out this morning and the Hollywood Foreign Press Association continues its age-long tradition of honoring mediocrity and crap. Hey, it works for government, why not the film and television industry?

My biggest grievance is the fact that Lost has been overlooked. Again.

Hollywood Foreign Press, I demand that you explain this fuckery at once. Season four of Lost was the best season to date. Writing as sharp as an Olsen's clavicle, a plot that continues to perplex, heart-wrenching emotion (The Constant is my favorite episode of the show because of how emotionally fulfilling it is. I've waited for the last five minutes of that show ever since I learned about Desmond and Penny. Hands-down, one of the best hours of television ever filmed. Vying for second best? Angel. Season five - A Hole In The World. Tragic, bittersweet and beautiful. Check it out:



In addition to this, a flawless performance by Michael Emerson. His portrayal of Ben Linus was alternately funny and terrifying...unlike nominee Jeremy Piven's portrayal of agent Ari Gold, a one-trick pony who needs to be put out to pasture.

My other major gripe -- Weeds' nomination for Best Series - Comedy or Musical. The season was awful. The show no longer retains any of its initial charm -- my two favorite characters have disappeared (Heylia and Conrad) as has the great title music and Nancy's gone from cool suburban mom to Whoretense the Hobag. Crap like this gets award nominations while great shows like Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip are axed. There's no justice in the world.

As for the rest of the nominations, here's a brief rundown of my thoughts:

- Heath Ledger's nomination for The Joker was no surprise, but I'm annoyed that neither The Dark Knight nor Christopher Nolan received any nods. Hopefully this will be rectified come Oscar season.

- Being an old-school pro-wrestling fan (don't hate. I grew up in the 80s. Besides, the insanity of the modern day Ultimate Warrior and Iron Sheik is hilarious. See what happens when you take one too many superkicks to the head?), I'm really excited to see The Wrestler. In addition to Darren Aronofsky's direction, the film is being touted as Mickey Rourke's comeback and the title track is performed by Bruce Springsteen. Sounds pretty great, but don't listen to me. Check out the trailer for yourself:



- Miley Cyrus should never be nominated for anything ever. Unless it's a rocketship headed straight for the sun or perhaps mandatory sterilization for the good of mankind.

- It took this long for Spielberg to get a lifetime achievement award? I wonder who'll be the one presenting it -- Tom Hanks? Harrison Ford? George Lucas? Martin Scorcese? Or maybe this guy:



As if Dawson Leery's life wasn't bad enough, the poor bastard will forever be immortalized looking like this. Man, that's rough.

A complete list of all nominations can be found here. What did you think of the nominations? Who do you think will win? Let's discuss!

A Conversation Between Best Friends

The Best Friend: I was tricked into seeing that Twilight movie.

Jaime: What?! You saw Twilight?

The Best Friend: I was tricked! They said it was a vampire movie!

(Jaime dissolves into a fit of giggles)

The Best Friend: Vampires don't sparkle in sunlight!

Jaime: You saw Twilight, dude. Even I didn't see that movie!

The Best Friend: I was tricked!

Jaime: Awww, honey. It's OK. You might notice that your body is going through a lot of changes right now and it's all perfectly natural. When you're ready, we'll go out and get you some tampons. Would you like that?

The Best Friend: Fuck you.

Is it any wonder The Best Friend calls me, "such an asshole"?

See The Dark Knight

I took the day off work today.

Why? Because Dan and I had tickets to the 9:00 a.m. IMAX screening of The Dark Knight. This meant waking up at 6:20 and waiting in line outside of the theater by 7:00 a.m. When we arrived, there were about ten people ahead of us.

At 11:38 a.m., I was back outside of the theater, blinking in the sunlight and completely mesmerized by what I had just seen.

Even if I could manage to string together a sentence on how shit-rockingly awesome this movie is, I wouldn't want to because I would hate to ruin it for anyone who has yet to see the film.

If you like movies in any capacity whatsoever, see this film (preferably on an IMAX screen). It's brilliant. Seriously.

It's the weekend, I have the day off, I just saw a fantastic film and I'm in a hell of a good mood, so I'm sharing the love:

Dark Night -- Tito and Tarantula

Completely unrelated (kinda) but equally badass! Enjoy!

P.S.



Christian Bale has earned himself a permanent place on the Laminated List. Like a bag of hammers, I would.

Val Kilmer Sucks. George Clooney Sucks.

In honor of The Dark Knight, it's Batman month at Casa Awaiting-A-Name. This means reading all about the Caped Crusader and the Rogues Gallery that terrorizes Gotham, checking out Batman Unmasked: The Psychology of the Dark Knight on the History Channel and watching all the movies.

Having already watched the camp-tastic 1966 film starring Adam West and Tim Burton's takes on Batman a couple of times earlier this year, I decided to plunge headfirst into the mythos by watching the subsequent films.

I started with Batman Forever.



Since I'm hungry, I'm going to serve up a compliment sandwich -- a juicy criticism served between two thick slices of whole-grain compliments.

Compliment: Before Nolan reinvigorated the series with Batman Begins and put Batman/Bruce Wayne center stage, the movies had always been about the villains. Nicholson got top billing as The Joker (although Jack would probably get top billing if he was playing a background extra) and anytime you combine Michelle Pfeiffer and black vinyl -- well, does anyone really care who else is in the picture? [Sidebar: It's ridiculous how beautiful Michelle Pfeiffer is. She's as gorgeous now as she was twenty years ago]. Batman Forever continues this tradition.

Jim Carrey's Riddler and Tommy Lee Jones' Two-Face looked like they were having a blast wreaking havoc in Gotham. Jones bit a bit too much of his performance from Jack but his riotous laughter and Gollum-esque usage of plurals made for some pretty decent popcorn entertainment. As for Carrey, he played The Riddler as a complete lunatic whose mind is almost as elastic and flexible as his face. He also spits out two of the best lines in the movie -- "If knowledge is power, then a God am I" and "Was that over the top? I never can tell!" The latter being a deft jab at critics of Carrey's comedic contortions.

Criticism: The movie is completely unremarkable, lacks a strong sense of story and aside from the villains, the performances are thoroughly lackluster. Kilmer is morose and wooden, O'Donnell's Robin is not only completely unnecessary but whiny to boot and although Nicole Kidman has the femme fatale thing down, her breathy whispers don't compare to Kim Basinger's va-va-voom vixen Vicki Vale. In short, the movie is boring. Really, really boring.

Compliment: As bad as Batman Forever is, I've been told Batman and Robin is even worse. When I mentioned watching Batman and Robin to Dan, he looked at me like I was insane and said, "When you're watching it, you'll wish you were watching Batman Forever." Not exactly high praise but praise nevertheless. Sorta.

I think I'll watching Batman and Robin solo, but I mean -- how bad could it possibly be? After all, if I sat through Da Hip Hop Witch Project, I can definitely survive this.

It's a warm, sunny day and I'm stuck at my desk until 5:00. So, I'm emptying out my brain like it was my purse:

+ I went 'down da shore' for the first time in my life. Apparently, this is somewhat of a summer tradition if you live in the mid-Atlantic states. Thankfully, it was less like MTV's True Life: I'm a Jersey Shore Girl and more like a pretty chill Memorial Day Weekend. I learned that a good 90% of food at the shore is fried within an inch of its life and if you eat it, your stomach will stage a violent coup. I also learned that pretty much every shop on the boardwalk sells exactly the same merchandise and that the sun harbors a serious grudge against me. I have a forehead the size of a movie screen (regular, not IMAX) and UV rays gun for it after it like Dina Lohan scrambling for her fifteen minutes.

+ Why is Lisa in the final four in Top Chef? She's a mediocre cook and I'm so over her defensive attitude and paranoia. Homegirl messed up rice twice so I'm thinking she needs to pack her knives and GTFO.

+ Speaking of things that need to GTFO, someone needs to forward that memo to the cold I have. I feel like I've been kicked in the head by a menopausal rhino. On the plus side, though? I can totally relate to Denis Leary's love of NyQuil (Google it, kids).

+ I have the same vision as Pam Beesley (20/400) and the same bra size as Rachel Green (you can figure that one out for yourself). I know this because Wikipedia and I are BFFE.

+ I saw the Sex and the City movie opening night and it was an experience unlike any other.

The audience was 90% women. The other 10%? The world's most disconsolate men, men who were way better groomed than I ever will be and one very confused child who was obviously just there for the popcorn (sidebar: $17 for popcorn and two Diet Cokes?! If you're going to rob me blind, at least have the decency to wear a ski mask and corner me in a dark alley). Of this 90%, a good 30% of these women actually dressed up for the screening. Now, being incomparably dorky, I've attended numerous screenings where people dress up like their favorite characters. I've encountered Jedis, Indys and more than a few superheroes but never have I ever witnessed a gaggle of women in cocktail dresses, heels and full make-up at the movies. I have to admit though, it was pretty fabulous. Cocktail dresses should be acceptable attire everywhere. Ditto flip flops (any movement on that yet?).

Speaking of the audience, in addition to unsolicited advice and "sassy" affirmations, I was also subject to raucous whooping whenever all four ladies met on screen, when Carrie wore her famous opening credits tutu dress and when the audience caught a glimpse of her sizable shoe collections (although, I have to admit that I felt a hard jolt of envy when I saw her Louboutins. What? They're delicious).I'm all for interaction to a certain degree (laughter, a gasp during a shocking moment, a sniffle during a particularly tender and touching scene), but come on! This isn't Rocky Horror.

As for the movie itself -- If you're a die-hard fan, you'll probably love it.

If you're a dude who's never seen the show and couldn't tell a Manolo from a pashmina, you'll hate it.

If you're someone who kinda dug the show, appreciated the clothes and watched to catch a glimpse of Ron Livingston (i.e.: me), you'll find it a little long and the kind of movie that requires some serious suspension of disbelief (There's no way Carrie could ever afford her swanky NYC digs or designer labels on a columnist's salary and in all honesty, the characters have become self-parodying charactures of who they were on the show).

But, if you take it for what it is (cinematic cotton candy clothed in coutour), it's a pretty sweet way to spend an evening.

Awesome Vs. Ehhh, Not So Much

Now usually, I blantantly rip off borrow from Sports Guy's format of Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down, but today, we're switching it up a little.

Awesome: Iron Man.



I didn't think I was going to like it, but you know what? It was bad-ass. It's was funny, action-packed, made an interesting statement about war (despite what the neo-cons tell you, it is possible to be pro-troops, anti blundering, bumbling cluster-fuck) and was a great way to kick off Summer Movies Season 2008. Favreau's direction was fantastic and glimpses of him on-screen playing Tony Stark's driver were a treat. He's lost a lot of weight since The Break Up and I've gotta tell you, he looks great. Homeboy behind me made the most succinct and salient comment regarding Jeff Bridges' character, Obediah Stane -- "Dude is seriously sinister." And you know what? Dude is.
Another thing I loved? Tom Morello's cameo. The Rage Against The Machine/Audioslave guitarist pops up on-screen for a brief, blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment playing a terrorist who gets obliterated. If there's one thing I've learned, at heart -- the coolest kids are all comic book nerds. Oh and speaking of, the trailers for The Dark Knight and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull preceded the feature. One gave me goosebumps and one made me wanna fling my boy shorts at the screen. I'll let you figure out which one's which.
Ehhh, Not So Much: Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay.



I wanted to like this movie because I love its predecessor and can quote pretty much every single line, but I really wasn't that impressed. The thing I loved about Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle was its simplicity -- stoners get munchies, head to burger joint and get into adventures along the way. This was a little too big, too epic for our THC-loving twosome. Funny but compared to the first one? Ehhh, not so much.

Awesome: A sassy skirt from Forever 21 and two pairs of Old Navy flip-flops. Hello Summer. I've missed you!
Ehhh, Not So Much: Not being able to rock aforementioned flip flops at work. Heartbreaking.

Awesome: Betsey Johnson perfume. It smells delicious!
Ehhh, Not So Much: Speaking of delicious, I ate a cheeseburger and onion rings for dinner last night (Yeah, healthy eating ranks right up there for me) and then, an hour later, thanks to Iron Man, I got the munchies for an another cheeseburger and NYC style pizza. Dude, what am I? A 14-year-old boy? Comic book movies and junk food. I think a pretty good argument can be made.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

When I saw that iconic silhouette and heard that incredible score again, I swear I got goosebumps. I can't wait until this movie comes out.

Weekend Wrap-Up

This weekend consisted of movies, mediocre Mexican food and shopping for men's clothes.

Movies

We caught Cloverfield on Friday night.



Take it for what it is -- popcorn entertainment that combines the ethos of Godzilla with the camera work of The Blair Witch Project. The movie was surprisingly funny and even managed to have a fairly sweet and cleverly attached back story. Word of warning, though? If you suffer from any sort of motion sickness, be sure to pop a Dramamine before you go. I didn't and ended up having to excuse myself in the middle of the film so I could use the facilities, so to speak. It wasn't cute. Oh and to the catty high schoolers who came into the bathroom after me? A) I'm not a bulimic and B) bulimia isn't funny.

I also saw Transformers for the first time. Now, when it comes to kick-ass action sequences and blowing stuff up, Michael Bay knows his shit, but the forced emotional plot of this movie was just completely contrived and ridiculous. Bumblebee speaks through the car radio...to the poetry of The Cars? Come on! I love Drive as much as the next person, but this was just laughably awful. Loved Shia LeBeouf, though. His performance in this movie gives me hope for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (which totally sounds like a Zelda game, doesn't it?)

Mediocre Mexican Food

The Mexican Post in Wilmington, DE. My whole objective in going out to dinner is to eat food that I couldn't get at home. Bottled salsa and sub-par enchiladas that I could very easily improve on myself do not make a good meal. Why is it so hard to find good Mexican food?! I mean, I'm not looking for Mexican molecular gastronomy -- I just want fresh, good food and a fruity margarita to back it up. Regardless of where you are -- what's your favorite place for good Mexican food?

Shopping

Dan needed to update his wardrobe, so we spent some quality time for shopping for men's clothes. Men's departments, in case you were wondering, are remarkably dull places. The shoes aren't cute, all the clothes kind of look the same and on the off chance that you do find something pink, it ends up being the most garish thing in the universe. Seriously, if Dan wore this shirt -- I'd set him on fire just to get it off.

Today was a good day/Didn't even have to use my AK

As well as being cast in The Time Traveler's Wife, Ron Livingston also topped my laminated list at #1.

I think it's safe to say that he's having a pretty damn good day.

And for mostly my enjoyment, here's the man of the hour himself:



Like a bag of hammers, I would. Yeah.

Finally!

I've been waiting for Harold and Kumar 2 since the end credits of Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle.

Urge to kill... rising...

Two posts in one day? Just call me Blogging Molly. However, this was too big to ignore.

The tracklist for the Simpsons movie soundtrack was just announced and dear God, it's a Stampy-sized bowel movement.

1. "Can't Shine Like Me" - Lil' Romeo
2. "If You Let Me Go" - Jay-Z featuring Omarion
3. "So Emotional" - 1 Chance
4. "High Away from You" - Lifehouse
5. "I Don't Wanna Understand" - Jennifer Lopez featuring Three 6 Mafia
6. "I Believe You" - Lyfe Jennings
7. "The Way You Roll With Me" - T.I.
8. "Dancing Machine" - Maroon 5 featuring Lil' Flip
9. "Simpson" - Beanie Sigel featuring Jazze Pha
10. "Since You Get Off The Computer" - Fall Out Boy
11. "Back Again" - Kai featuring Akon
12. "I Will Kill You" - Panic! at the Disco
13. "You Gave My Heart" - Keyshia Cole featuring Ludacris
14. "The World Is Yours" - N.W.A.
15. "In the Rain" - Young Jeezy featuring Lil' Wayne
16. "Lockdown" - Joe Budden featuring The Game and Mike Jones
17. "Roll Tide" - Ja Rule featuring Lloyd and Nelly
18. "I'm Your Mama" - Chris Brown featuring Nas
19. "Go to Bed" - David Banner
20. "I Don't Wanna Your Stupid Of Me" - Ben Folds
21. "And Get Off The Porch" - Obie Trice featuring 50 Cent and Eminem

Walter Tango Foxtrot -- what the hell is going on here? I expected so much more from a show that has featured musical acts such as U2, Johnny Cash, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Ramones , The Who, Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and the last three living Beatles.

The musical guestlist for The Simpsons is like backstage at the Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame, so why is the soundtrack chock-full of flash-in-the-pan crap?

Lil' Romeo? Jennifer Lopez? Fucking Fall Out Boy?! I know their name is a Simpsons reference, but their music sucks and Pete Wentz is a toolbag. Isn't there a Dane Cook soundtrack these third-rate pop-punkers could appear on instead?

Sweet merciful crap, even The Simpsons Sing The Blues is better than this festering turd of a record. If the movie is anything like the soundtrack -- I'm just going to lose faith in the franchise all together.

To co-opt the words of the incomparable Jeff Albertson -- Worst. Soundtrack. Ever.

I believe with every breath I breathe

Annie Savoy: What do you believe in, then?
Crash Davis: Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

Bull Durham. 1988.

It's a good question, Annie's question. One of those great seemingly simple questions that carry the weight of the world on their backs. One of those questions you can spend a whole week thinking about, I mean really thinking about, and never fully answer.

Crash's response is even better -- direct and completely honest. With the exception of the mention of the soul, there's no talk of theology, but rather a pastiche of the very essence of Crash.

That's what matters -- not the stuff you've been taught to believe. Not the things you've been indoctrinated with, but whatever you discovered of your own volition.

So, what do I believe?

Well, I too believe in the soul, but I also believe that music is truly greater than or equal to love. I believe in the guitar solo, real cherry Cokes made with grenadine and ridiculously impractical shoes. I believe in reciting every single line from your favorite movies, holding hands and that if you drive long enough with the windows down and the music loud -- it'll all make sense again. I believe in adding pepper to everything, in throwing your head back and laughing, that food tastes better when you share it and that flowers are a completely stupid gift. I believe there was a conspiracy to assassinate both JFK and RFK, that there is no greater pleasure than a pair of jeans straight out of the dryer on a cold day and that most writers are pretentious assholes. I believe in black and white photography, getting lost and finding yourself in big cities and a hero doesn't always have to wear a cape or stem from the imagination of Stan Lee.
And again, like Crash -- I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

Enough about me, though -- what do you believe in?