July 14, 2008

Val Kilmer Sucks. George Clooney Sucks.

Posted by Miss Jaime at Monday, July 14, 2008
In honor of The Dark Knight, it's Batman month at Casa Awaiting-A-Name. This means reading all about the Caped Crusader and the Rogues Gallery that terrorizes Gotham, checking out Batman Unmasked: The Psychology of the Dark Knight on the History Channel and watching all the movies.

Having already watched the camp-tastic 1966 film starring Adam West and Tim Burton's takes on Batman a couple of times earlier this year, I decided to plunge headfirst into the mythos by watching the subsequent films.

I started with Batman Forever.



Since I'm hungry, I'm going to serve up a compliment sandwich -- a juicy criticism served between two thick slices of whole-grain compliments.

Compliment: Before Nolan reinvigorated the series with Batman Begins and put Batman/Bruce Wayne center stage, the movies had always been about the villains. Nicholson got top billing as The Joker (although Jack would probably get top billing if he was playing a background extra) and anytime you combine Michelle Pfeiffer and black vinyl -- well, does anyone really care who else is in the picture? [Sidebar: It's ridiculous how beautiful Michelle Pfeiffer is. She's as gorgeous now as she was twenty years ago]. Batman Forever continues this tradition.

Jim Carrey's Riddler and Tommy Lee Jones' Two-Face looked like they were having a blast wreaking havoc in Gotham. Jones bit a bit too much of his performance from Jack but his riotous laughter and Gollum-esque usage of plurals made for some pretty decent popcorn entertainment. As for Carrey, he played The Riddler as a complete lunatic whose mind is almost as elastic and flexible as his face. He also spits out two of the best lines in the movie -- "If knowledge is power, then a God am I" and "Was that over the top? I never can tell!" The latter being a deft jab at critics of Carrey's comedic contortions.

Criticism: The movie is completely unremarkable, lacks a strong sense of story and aside from the villains, the performances are thoroughly lackluster. Kilmer is morose and wooden, O'Donnell's Robin is not only completely unnecessary but whiny to boot and although Nicole Kidman has the femme fatale thing down, her breathy whispers don't compare to Kim Basinger's va-va-voom vixen Vicki Vale. In short, the movie is boring. Really, really boring.

Compliment: As bad as Batman Forever is, I've been told Batman and Robin is even worse. When I mentioned watching Batman and Robin to Dan, he looked at me like I was insane and said, "When you're watching it, you'll wish you were watching Batman Forever." Not exactly high praise but praise nevertheless. Sorta.

I think I'll watching Batman and Robin solo, but I mean -- how bad could it possibly be? After all, if I sat through Da Hip Hop Witch Project, I can definitely survive this.

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