One Reason To Inhale A Bottle of Xanax

Dan just emailed me this thoroughly depressing though:

"Neither Brooke Hogan, nor her friend who is “really smart”, know who the Vice President is.

And they both have way more money than us.

We fail at life."

When Temporary Hearing Loss is Worth It...

I get to the gym and notice the place is pretty busy.

Damn it.

Then, I notice both TVs are tuned to Fox News.

Damn it squared.

Glenn Beck is prattling on idiotically about how monogamous gay marriages will eventually lead to people marrying cupcakes or beavers or some other ridiculous, baseless shit (weren't arguments like this considered null and void with Loving vs. Virginia?)

Luckily, I have my trusty iPod, headphones and a collection of B.S. Reports featuring both Bill Simmons and Adam Carolla.

I switch it on at a pretty low volume and hit the treadmill.

Beck's still blathering on and I hear the following conversation:

Scary Buff Dude Who Doesn't Seem To Have A Home As He's Always At The Gym: (referring to Beck) Oh, I love this guy! He's great!
Exercise Bike Woman: He is! And he's right -- soon, it'll be three women marrying one man! It's all wrong!

Damn it cubed.

ClickclickclickclickCLICK!

That's the sound of my iPod hitting the highest volume and Adam Carolla blowing out my eardrums by bellowing about how he'd remove Talia Shire from every movie ever.

However compared to the fact that people actually buy into Beck's insipidity idiocy, it was a dulcet lullabye.

I'm down with Voltaire and believe that while I may not agree with what you say, you still have the right to say it....but when you're nodding emphatically at anything that comes out of Glenn Beck's mouth? Yeah....it's probably a better idea to just keep your mouth shut.

You could put that fancy mustard on a shoe and it would taste pretty good to me.

Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham and Rush Limbaugh are criticizing a man for his choice of burger condiment.

Let me reiterate.

These three schmucks dedicated airtime to admonishing President Obama for his condiment choice.

The Republican party is imploding and this is what matters -- what the president puts on his burger.

Kudos. Way to hit him where it hurts.

Shouldn't you assholes be figuring out a way to make yourselves look a little less like exclusionary buffoons and more like capable leaders?

Oh and a helpful hint -- if you want to be the party of the future, try not to reference a commercial that came out twenty years ago