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This week, we met another member of the Pratt clan and Audrina finally got a clue and broke it off with Justin-Bobby.
Apparently, the Pratts spawned several tow-headed offspring and this week, we got to meet Spencer's sister, Stephanie or as Lauren called her, "She-Pratt." [She-Pratt (n): Also known as Stephanie, sibling of Spencer. Blonde banshee found trolling the Los Angeles area trying desperately to gain some notoriety by picking fights with MTV reality stars].
The aesthetic similarities by Heidi and Stephanie kinda freaked me out. She-Pratt is beer-goggles version of Heidi and your typical wing-man nightmare. If I was a dude and had to take that for the team, my buddy would have to keep me in blow and beer for a whole year to make up for it.
The doorway to Opera resembles either a Michael Bay movie or the Puffy/Nas video for Hate Me Now. Neither of which I'd particularly like to associate myself with.
"Just stop being mean girls?" First of all, Roxy is a prostitute's name. Secondly, who the hell is Roxy? The juxtaposition of a statement that juvenile coupled with her tranny-esque features made me wish I was friends with Rob Zombie so I could call him and say I had found the star for his next horror flick.
Much like her toolbox brother, She-Pratt is down with the Dark Side and shares the same Sith Lord mentality -- "When you hate my brother, I hate you." For the last time, Siths never prosper. It didn't work for Vader, it didn't work for Maul, it didn't work for Sidious and it's not working for George W. Bush. Let go of the absolutes and come hang out in the light.
Speaking of Star Wars, what was up with Justin Bobby rocking a Jedi-look? If he thought it would help him mind-trick Audrina while he was scamming with other girls? Well, let's just say neither the Force nor the intelligence is with him.
You Look Like A Pratt: Now, I realize this space is usually reserved for the facial follies of the Prattmeister, but due to my utterly sophomoric sense of humor, I just couldn't resist this:
Heidi's gaping maw. The picture practically Photoshops itself.
Now onto the break up:
"What do you need from me?" Did Justin-Bobby really ask this question 'cause there are a litany of answers -- I need you to stop feeding me bullshit. I need you to stop kissing other girls. I need you to stop being one person when you're alone with me and a complete other when you'rearound your friends. I need you to be my boyfriend but above all -- I need you to take an effing shower.
Broken relationships should be dealt with like broken bones -- clean and quick or they'll never heal properly. Here's to hoping Audrina moves on and we never see nor hear from J.Bob again.
Quote of the Week: She-Pratt came out swinging for the fences and actually picked up this week's distinction with her characterization of (Brody's bro and tertiary character) Frankie Delgado as, "a wannabe Wilmer Valderrama." It may seem like a harsh characterization, but remember that Valderrama also managed to score Mandy Moore and pre-trainwreck Lindsey Lohan. There are worse people to be compared to.
And finally, when did Stephanie become Heidi's BFF? Doesn't that dubious distinction go to Jen Bunney?
NEXT WEEK: She-Pratt causes tension between Spencer and Heidi and Audrina re-enters the dating world. I'm on the edge of my seat already.
In football news:
The Dolphins continue their season-long streak of breaking my heart, but unlike some fair-weather fans, I still bleed orange and teal. If nothing else, we'll have a killer draft pick and obilterate the competition next year.
Pop Quiz:
The New England Patriots can:
A) Suck it.
B) Suck it long.
C) Suck it hard.
D) All of the above.
The correct answer, of course, is D.
The Pats played the Eagles this weekend (they're my Zahara team -- after moving to the Philly suburbs, I adopted them) and after the game, Tom Brady was braying (like the ass he is) about the 31-28 win. Listen, peckerhead. When you're an 11-0 team, a 31-28 win is hardly something to be proud of.
Every time I watch the Pats play, I find myself wishing someone would tackle this assbag and then, step on his head. It hasn't happened yet, but I'm keeping the faith.
This week, we met another member of the Pratt clan and Audrina finally got a clue and broke it off with Justin-Bobby.
Apparently, the Pratts spawned several tow-headed offspring and this week, we got to meet Spencer's sister, Stephanie or as Lauren called her, "She-Pratt." [She-Pratt (n): Also known as Stephanie, sibling of Spencer. Blonde banshee found trolling the Los Angeles area trying desperately to gain some notoriety by picking fights with MTV reality stars].
The aesthetic similarities by Heidi and Stephanie kinda freaked me out. She-Pratt is beer-goggles version of Heidi and your typical wing-man nightmare. If I was a dude and had to take that for the team, my buddy would have to keep me in blow and beer for a whole year to make up for it.
The doorway to Opera resembles either a Michael Bay movie or the Puffy/Nas video for Hate Me Now. Neither of which I'd particularly like to associate myself with.
"Just stop being mean girls?" First of all, Roxy is a prostitute's name. Secondly, who the hell is Roxy? The juxtaposition of a statement that juvenile coupled with her tranny-esque features made me wish I was friends with Rob Zombie so I could call him and say I had found the star for his next horror flick.
Much like her toolbox brother, She-Pratt is down with the Dark Side and shares the same Sith Lord mentality -- "When you hate my brother, I hate you." For the last time, Siths never prosper. It didn't work for Vader, it didn't work for Maul, it didn't work for Sidious and it's not working for George W. Bush. Let go of the absolutes and come hang out in the light.
Speaking of Star Wars, what was up with Justin Bobby rocking a Jedi-look? If he thought it would help him mind-trick Audrina while he was scamming with other girls? Well, let's just say neither the Force nor the intelligence is with him.
You Look Like A Pratt: Now, I realize this space is usually reserved for the facial follies of the Prattmeister, but due to my utterly sophomoric sense of humor, I just couldn't resist this:
Heidi's gaping maw. The picture practically Photoshops itself.
Now onto the break up:
"What do you need from me?" Did Justin-Bobby really ask this question 'cause there are a litany of answers -- I need you to stop feeding me bullshit. I need you to stop kissing other girls. I need you to stop being one person when you're alone with me and a complete other when you'rearound your friends. I need you to be my boyfriend but above all -- I need you to take an effing shower.
Broken relationships should be dealt with like broken bones -- clean and quick or they'll never heal properly. Here's to hoping Audrina moves on and we never see nor hear from J.Bob again.
Quote of the Week: She-Pratt came out swinging for the fences and actually picked up this week's distinction with her characterization of (Brody's bro and tertiary character) Frankie Delgado as, "a wannabe Wilmer Valderrama." It may seem like a harsh characterization, but remember that Valderrama also managed to score Mandy Moore and pre-trainwreck Lindsey Lohan. There are worse people to be compared to.
And finally, when did Stephanie become Heidi's BFF? Doesn't that dubious distinction go to Jen Bunney?
NEXT WEEK: She-Pratt causes tension between Spencer and Heidi and Audrina re-enters the dating world. I'm on the edge of my seat already.
In football news:
The Dolphins continue their season-long streak of breaking my heart, but unlike some fair-weather fans, I still bleed orange and teal. If nothing else, we'll have a killer draft pick and obilterate the competition next year.
Pop Quiz:
The New England Patriots can:
A) Suck it.
B) Suck it long.
C) Suck it hard.
D) All of the above.
The correct answer, of course, is D.
The Pats played the Eagles this weekend (they're my Zahara team -- after moving to the Philly suburbs, I adopted them) and after the game, Tom Brady was braying (like the ass he is) about the 31-28 win. Listen, peckerhead. When you're an 11-0 team, a 31-28 win is hardly something to be proud of.
Every time I watch the Pats play, I find myself wishing someone would tackle this assbag and then, step on his head. It hasn't happened yet, but I'm keeping the faith.
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