I am not responsible for Dream Feeny!

I once had a dream in which The Best Friend was a complete jerk to me. I woke up angry at him and treated him thusly by shooting him dirty looks and making him suffer through the silent treatment. Bewildered by my simmering rage, he asked what was wrong and I told him.

"You've been mad at me all day about that?! That's insane! I have no control over your dreams!"

"Whatever, dude," I said countering with an obviously brilliant argument. "You were an asshole."

"You're being an asshole now! And we're both awake!"

Damn him and his use of logic.

Anyway, the situation resolved itself relatively quickly and everything went back to normal.

Two nights ago, I had a dream about Ron Livingston.


I'll take things I'd hit like a bag of hammers for $800, Alex....

Usually, I'm a big fan of these dreams for obvious reasons but this last one? Yeah, not so much. Dream Livingston was such a jerk! He spilled hot coffee on me and basically acted like a frat boy, the morning after.

I woke up and told Dan about this. Usually when I tell Dan about these dreams, his eyes narrow, his hand balls up into a fist and he shakes it at the sky while yelling, "Damn you, Livingston!" but this time, he burst out in raucous, gleeful laughter.

Yet another reason I'm glad I'll never meet the guy. 'Cause if I do, I'll be the asshole who blurts out, "Man, you were such a dick in my dream!"

In news that detracts from the fact that I am utterly unhinged:

Top Chef's fifth season premiered last night. As par for the course, it's still a little too early to tell who the fan favorites will be but I'm guessing Richard's a pretty strong contender. I can respect anyone who discloses a crush on Tom Colicchio.

As for the other cheftestants, they seem fairly interesting but I can't see anyone bringing the drama like Marcel and Ilan did in season two.

Ilan: You know what's really funny, Marcel? The first day I got here, I've been wanting to smack you across the face. Why don't you fucking go to a new school, learn some shit, go to France, go to Spain, go travel, go relax, go learn how to use some fucking salt, paprika, come back to me, you know, come to New York, maybe I'll show you how to cook a little bit? I'll show you how to grill something. But until then, shut the fuck up, keep making your foams and go cry in a corner!

Cooking is serious business, y'all.

Vote For Change with Ron Livingston

Stuff like this makes me adore Ron Livingston that much more.

Thanks for the heads-up, Jamie Leigh!

Holy Shit, I Love You Part II

Right now, I love:

Google: If Google was a pair of jeans, it would be that really comfy pair that you've had forever . You know, the ones that make your butt look great. If Google was a drink, it would be a cold beer on a sweltering day, a freshly brewed cup of coffee when you first get to work or a stiff cocktail on a Saturday night. If it was a person, it would be Ron Livingston:



Any excuse to post a picture. Man, he's attractive. You know, I'm almost glad that there's a zero percent chance of me ever meeting him because doing so would cause me to morph into the world's biggest idiot. I'd probably blush and make noises as opposed to cogent sentences.

Anyway, back to Google. I love the fact that it's easy to use, has super-cute personalized themes (Paul Frank, Betsey Johnson and Kate Spade!), allows me to stay connected at work despite the evil firewall and has a sweet feature that allows me to share all sorts of cool stuff. Check out the sidebar. Sharing is caring.

Ryan Adams: I've heard numerous accounts about what an asshole this guy is, but when you pen the most viscerally pretty and sad songs ever written? You can be an asshole of Limbaughian proportions and it's easily forgiven. Because I love you and want you be to happy, here is a whole mess of amazing Ryan Adams tracks for you to sample courtesy of The Hype Machine.

Illy Coffee: Everything else tastes like non-potable, muddy water in comparison. Or, better example? Remember that pipeline of shit that Andy Dufresne crawled through in The Shawshank Redemption? Yeah, that's what everything else tastes like in comparison to Illy coffee.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: Totally underrated with brilliant performances by both Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer and the best dialogue I've heard in a long time. For example:

Perry: My $2000 ceramic Vektor my mother got me as a special gift. You threw in the lake next to the car. What happens when they drag the lake? You think they'll find my pistol. Jesus. Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Harry: A picture of me?
Perry: No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!

NetFlix Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. I mean, it got a standing O at Cannes! What else do you want?!

I Heart You: Funny, sassy and clever. If blogging was high school, I Heart You would be the really popular girl who also happened to be super down-to-earth and sweet.

And finally, on the opposite end of the spectrum -- Holy Shit, I'm Going Into Apoplexy

Fall's approaching and when you live in the mid-Atlantic states, this means a dip in temperature.

So obviously when you get home from work and wrench off the yoke of 'business casual', the first thing you want to put on is a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt you've had since 1998.

I'm set on the t-shirt (Javelin Yearbook represent!) but can't seem to find a pair of sweatpants that fit my garden-gnomesque proportions. Every pair I tried on today puddled around my ankles making me look (yet again) like a eight-year-old playing dress up.

Sweatpants Manufacturers (I'm looking at you, Victoria's Secret and American Eagle) -- please manufacture sweatpants in a Size 1 Short. Teeny girls deserve comfortable slackerwear too.

Looting and polluting is not the way!

I came into the office today to find a 5" thick pile of paper waiting to be copied at my desk. Do you know how much five inches of paper is? It's a lot. I took 5" and turned it into 10" (that's what she said). So, between the small chunk of the Amazon I killed today and all the Hair Insurance I use, I'm pretty sure I'm on Al Gore's hit list.

Speaking of the environment, you know what needs to make a resurgence? Captain Planet. That show was awesome and with everyone being so much more environmentally friendly nowadays, he could easily make a triumphant return.



McGillis and I had a pretty interesting conversation about the show once. Everyone had a cool power except Ma-Ti. Wheeler could shoot fireballs, Kwame could create earthquakes, Linka could summon tornadoes (Oh, Linka. The Cold War thawed everywhere except in your icy heart), Gi could control entire bodies of water and Ma-Ti got the short end of the stick. He was saddled with the power of 'heart' which allowed him to feel and convey emotions. So, basically his power was being emo. Nice. Oh and he gets a monkey too. Great. As McGillis so succinctly put it, "I would have kicked Gaia in the box for giving me a power like that!"

Anyway, Captain Planet? Totally awesome and needs to make a comeback....providing they Rastafy him by 10% (+10 and a cookie to whoever gets that).

Google Reader and Google Docs just became my new BFFE. Not only can I blog from the office but I can also catch up on other people's blogs! It's amazing! Oh and if you haven't already, check out Starting Over @ 24. He's been keeping me entertained all day while I've been copying, stapling and restapling. SO@24 reminds me of Mikey from Swingers...but cooler and more video-game savvy (I'm sure he gets that comparison all the time) and that rocks because when I think about Mikey, I start thinking about Rob (played by the charming Ron Livingston) and from there, my productivity takes a nose-dive and my imagination goes into overdrive.



Oh, Mr. Livingston. I'd double-down on you any day. Too far? Too far.

And lastly, here's some stuff I've been digging lately:

• The new release by Augustana - Can't Love, Can't Hurt. Check out I Still Ain't Over You and Sweet and Low.
• Aussie's Hair Insurance. It works really well.
• Taco Bell's Fruitista Freeze. Strawberries, mangoes and a name that sounds like a fabulous South American dictator. What's not to like?
• Wawa. Made-to-order sandwiches and yummy iced tea? What's not to like?
  
  

Mortal Nemesii Part 2

The copier/fax machine at work. We are no longer on speaking terms. As much as I would like to live in the world of Office Space, recreating the PC Load Letter scene at 8:30 in the morning? Seriously not cute. On a more positive note though? I'd watch Kung Fu with Peter Gibbons any day.



Let's focus less on the fact that I look like an ass and more on how ridiculously good-looking Ron Livingston is, shall we?

Voice activated customer service helplines. Was Terminator 2 a teeny little indie flick that only I saw? Does nobody else live in fear of the day computers become sentient and collectively band together to eff us in the a? After talking to a robotically perky operator for a good five minutes, I heard it say, “Thank you! I now have all your information in front of me!” First off – you’re not a me! You’re an it! A thing! Not a being! And secondly, the fact that you have all my information makes me feel nuts in that tin-foil hat kinda way.

The VCR. It fell on my foot and if I ever get a hold of Dan’s baseball bat, I’m gonna recreate the following scene:

Today was a good day/Didn't even have to use my AK

As well as being cast in The Time Traveler's Wife, Ron Livingston also topped my laminated list at #1.

I think it's safe to say that he's having a pretty damn good day.

And for mostly my enjoyment, here's the man of the hour himself:



Like a bag of hammers, I would. Yeah.