When Temporary Hearing Loss is Worth It...

I get to the gym and notice the place is pretty busy.

Damn it.

Then, I notice both TVs are tuned to Fox News.

Damn it squared.

Glenn Beck is prattling on idiotically about how monogamous gay marriages will eventually lead to people marrying cupcakes or beavers or some other ridiculous, baseless shit (weren't arguments like this considered null and void with Loving vs. Virginia?)

Luckily, I have my trusty iPod, headphones and a collection of B.S. Reports featuring both Bill Simmons and Adam Carolla.

I switch it on at a pretty low volume and hit the treadmill.

Beck's still blathering on and I hear the following conversation:

Scary Buff Dude Who Doesn't Seem To Have A Home As He's Always At The Gym: (referring to Beck) Oh, I love this guy! He's great!
Exercise Bike Woman: He is! And he's right -- soon, it'll be three women marrying one man! It's all wrong!

Damn it cubed.

ClickclickclickclickCLICK!

That's the sound of my iPod hitting the highest volume and Adam Carolla blowing out my eardrums by bellowing about how he'd remove Talia Shire from every movie ever.

However compared to the fact that people actually buy into Beck's insipidity idiocy, it was a dulcet lullabye.

I'm down with Voltaire and believe that while I may not agree with what you say, you still have the right to say it....but when you're nodding emphatically at anything that comes out of Glenn Beck's mouth? Yeah....it's probably a better idea to just keep your mouth shut.

You could put that fancy mustard on a shoe and it would taste pretty good to me.

Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham and Rush Limbaugh are criticizing a man for his choice of burger condiment.

Let me reiterate.

These three schmucks dedicated airtime to admonishing President Obama for his condiment choice.

The Republican party is imploding and this is what matters -- what the president puts on his burger.

Kudos. Way to hit him where it hurts.

Shouldn't you assholes be figuring out a way to make yourselves look a little less like exclusionary buffoons and more like capable leaders?

Oh and a helpful hint -- if you want to be the party of the future, try not to reference a commercial that came out twenty years ago

Yes We Can

One day, Dan and I will have children (Calm down, Mom. It's not happening for another five years). Cute little Indian-Irish babies with blue eyes and skin the color of caramel.

Because I am thoroughly neurotic, I worried about that.

Silly really, considering that there are more biracial people around today than there were when I was born and that in a good majority of the country, the color of a person's skin isn't even an afterthought.

I'm lucky enough to have never been a victim of overt racism. A couple of dirty looks shot in my direction and one encounter a few years ago when a 13-year-old referred to me as a 'cockroach', but apart from that, nothing too vicious.

As minor as these incidents may have been, I didn't want my children growing up in a world where this stuff still happens. Being loathed for something you have no control over, be it sexual orientation, race or gender, is a really unsettling experience and something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I didn't want my children to grow up in a world where the American Dream and the Algerian ideal of, "You can be anyone your heart desires, as long as you're willing to work hard for it" come with fine print:

"Offer may not apply everywhere or to everyone. You've got a good shot if you're a white Anglo-Saxon male but if not, don't even think about it. Seriously, you'll just end up disappointed."

Where the gallows humor of, "The only way a black man can become president is if he's running against a Mexican" is a true statement. Where what you look like or who you love takes precedence over intellect, determination, skill and hard work.

The American Dream became The American Reality with the election of Barack Obama as 44th president.

It's a good feeling to know that one day, I'll be able to tell my kids that they really can be anything they want to be and have it be the truth as opposed to a fevered, naively optimistic wish.

Congratulations to Barack Obama and Joe Biden -- the president and vice-president elect of the United States of America.

Sidebar: Personally, I believe Sarah Palin isn't qualified to be a QVC Spokesperson much less vice-president of the country but the villification of Sarah Palin by angry McCain/Palin staffers is uncalled for and only proves that they were lying to the American people all along. John McCain's concession speech on Tuesday night exemplified class and grace. It's a shame the staffers can't follow his lead. And on a related note, are you kidding me about Africa ? I mean, really? My niece knows that Africa is a continent....and she's not even four! Jesus, lady! You've got kids -- watch The Lion King or Madagascar or something...

Vote For Change with Ron Livingston

Stuff like this makes me adore Ron Livingston that much more.

Thanks for the heads-up, Jamie Leigh!

Jon Stewart hits back hard on Republican allegations of sexism

So, all these Republican feminists who came out of the woodwork, shrieking to the defense of Mrs. Palin -- where were you when Hillary was being vilified?

Is she considered less of a woman because her party affiliation and therefore, undeserving of your moral outrage?

If there's one thing Republicans really excel at, it's hypocrisy.

Artwork and Politics

We're hunting for artwork for our institutionally white walls.

We've put up an Almost Famous poster and ordered a very cool, very film noir Veronica Mars poster:



Dan and I are big TV/movie people and wanted to find artwork reflective of us and our tastes as opposed to just slapping up something generic like a Parisian cityscape or a black-and-white image of a mountain.

Now, I'm trying to find cool typographical art (we're both writers. This only makes sense) and something for the kitchen that relates to food without being:

A) Cutesy in that faux country farmhouse way
B) An advertisement for alcohol.

The more I think about it, the more I like the idea of song lyrics printed in bold-colored cardstock. Something like this:



I think it could work.

On a more political note, I've noticed Republicans been making a lot of snide comments about Barack Obama's "celebrity" status. According to them, celebrity status should be vilified. Well, I'd like to bring something to their attention. Ronald Reagan was not only an actor, but president of the Screen Actor's Guild. I.E. -- a pretty big celebrity.

A little less hypocrisy and bullshit goes a long way, guys. Just sayin'. Oh and speaking of bullshit, regarding McCain's vice-presidential pick, Sarah Palin?

Bwahahahahahahahahah!

I can't wait to see Joe Biden eviscerate her in the debates. Ms. Palin doesn't stand a chance.

My mortal nemesises (nemesii?): An Abbreviated List

Kristen Bell – Nothing personal. I love Veronica Mars and think Ms. Bell is all sorts of cute, sassy and fabulous. But I have to dislike her on principle. If she ran me over with her car, Dan would be taking off his pants while dialing 911 (of course, I would do the exact same thing if confronted with Ron Livingston, so it all evens out).



Converse Sneakers – I want to love them, rock them and look undeniably cool as legions of others do, but I can’t. Why? Because on my feet – they look like clown shoes.

Ganondorf – Link is my homeboy and I am a nerd. What’s up? This is also applicable to any other boss or miniboss I may be locked in battle with at any given time.

The Firewall at Work – My lack of blogging lately has been due to the fact that I can’t access blogger.com at work. I also can’t access the ‘Book, Livejournal or a litany of other sites that keep me entertained and informed. I can, however, access my email, ESPN.com (Even though Sports Guy is a rabid Boston fan, he’s still my favorite columnist) and The Huffington Post, so that keeps me going and brings me to my next point:

Reading about politics makes me angry. Knowing I can’t vote makes me angry. Knowing that the people who can vote do so for stupid reasons makes me angry. Actually, that last one also makes me want to paste huge billboards all over the country that read: “Hey numbnuts! You will never have a beer with the president!! Vote for economic self-interest instead!”

The mainstream media makes me really angry as well. I mean, there’s a war still going on, the economy is spiraling further and further out of control, people can’t afford to put gas in their cars, corporate avarice is consuming the country and what are the major news networks flogging to death? The bare back of a 15-year old (Sidebar: Ms. Cyrus, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t be Role Model Sweetheart and Lolita. Did you learn nothing from Britney Spears?), lapel pins and Reverend Wright – a man who made claims remarkably similar to the claims made by John Hagee, Pat Robertson and a slew of “agents of intolerance” (John McCain’s words, not mine) known as televangelists.

Does anyone really care about this stuff? Does it even matter? What is more important to you?

Miley Cyrus – an actress (and I use that term in the loosest sense) who most of us have never even seen perform or the fact that you can’t afford to fill up your car and yet, Exxon-Mobil are reporting the highest profits in history?

The fact that 4000+ of your fellow Americans have died or the fact that Senator Barack Obama (like millions of other Americans, including his opponents, Senator Hillary Clinton and Senator John McCain as well as critics like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly) doesn’t have an American flag permanently stapled to his lapel?

Read for yourself. Think for yourself. Don’t believe the hype. You’re smarter than they give you credit for. Prove it.

Happy Super Tuesday!

Truth, justice and the American way.

Reasons to Barack The Vote:

+ Higher pay for teachers. I have numerous friends who are teachers and even considered going into the field myself at a point. Teachers set the foundation for the future and good ones are hard to find. Good teachers should be rewarded for their hard work and efforts.

+ He voted against the Federal Marriage Amendment which defines marriage as a union between one man and one woman. He supports civil unions and leaves the definition of marriage up to the states. I have both friends and family members who are gay. Denying the right of marriage to them is ridiculous and pedantic.

+ He is pro-choice.

+ He has a history of supporting environmentally-friendly bills and realizes the dangers of global warming.

+ He wants to decrease our independence on foreign oil.

+ He supports protecting net neutrality.

+ LEGAL immigration. I am a legal immigrant. I moved to the U.S. from the U.K. thirteen years ago. Since that point, my family has paid a small fortune in legal fees and immigration application fees in order to remain in this country. Obama introduced the Citizenship Promotion Act to ensure that immigration application fees are both reasonable and fair.

+ Ending the war in Iraq. He's been opposed to it since the very beginning and I believe he will take the right steps to rectifying the missteps of the current administration.

+ He supports embryonic stem cell research and co-sponsored the 2005 Stem Cell Research Act. The day we stop expanding scientifically is the day modern society plunges right back into the Dark Ages.

Obama 2008.

Five Reasons I Hate Mike Huckabee

Meet Michael Dale Huckabee.



He's an ordained Southern Baptist minister, a former Arkansas governor, a bassist in the rock band Capitol Offense ("Capitol" -- get it. Oh, what witty wordplay) and now, he's a Republican candidate for the 2008 presidential election.

Let's get to know him a little better, shall we?

5. Mike Huckabee made a, "conscious attempt to keep the state police from investigating his son" David Huckabee after it came to light that his darling little boy had hanged, stoned and slit the throat of a stray dog.

4. Mike Huckabee aggressively pushed for the release convicted rapist Wayne DuMond. A mere year after DuMond's released, he raped and murdered two different women -- Carol Sue Shields and Sara Andresek. At the time of her death, Andresek was pregnant with her first child.

3. Mike Huckabee equates homosexuality with bestiality. This statement is so stupid that I can't wrap my mind around it.

2. Mike Huckabee doesn't believe in evolution. Bill Maher makes a great point here -- "If someone believes the earth is 6000 years old when every scientist in the world tells us it's billions of years old, why shouldn't I take that into account when I'm assessing the rationality of someone I'm going to put in the highest office in the land."

Huck's response? "We really don't know."

Well, Huckster? There's more proof and a much more reasonable argument for evolution than there is for creationism. Just sayin', guy.

1. Mike Huckabee thinks contraception is akin to abortion. Let me make that crystal clear for you -- Mike Huckabee thinks birth control pills, the patch, the nuva ring and the IUD are all forms of abortion.

Wait a second. WHAT?! In what universe does that even begin to make sense?

Now, let's say you've got the IQ of a head of lettuce and actually buy into this idiocy, you've got to be fair, right?

If contraceptives are akin to abortions, so is male masturbation. The sin of onanism, folks. If you're jerkin' your gherkin, you're spilling your seed and destroying thousands-upon-thousands of would-be babies.

Think about that for a second before you get all gung-ho with the contraceptives-as-abortions movement.

In short, Mike Huckabee is a lunatic, a theocrat (truly dangerous in a free society) and should be kept as far away from the American political system as humanly possible.

I am disgusted...

Do we really live in a country where a man is arrested for asking a question?

Should a man be dragged away, wrestled to the ground and tased for using up his "alloted time" at a public debate?

21-year-old Andrew Meyer, a communications major at the University of Florida, was arrested and repeatedly tased for asking Sen John Kerry (D-Mass.) questions regarding the 2004 election and Kerry's involvement in Yale's Skull and Bones secret society.

Meyer didn't yell 'Fire' in a crowded area. He didn't threaten Kerry nor anyone else. He just asked questions...and UFPD, being the power-tripping rent-a-cops they are, hurled Meyer to the floor and jolted him with electricity, blatantly ignoring his cries for help and pleas of, "Don't tase me, bro."

John Kerry claims not to have heard Meyer's screams, but I find that hard to believe. His anguished howls tore through the auditorium and for anyone to claim aural ignorance? It's not only sad, but it must be a lie. I respect Kerry for stating that he wanted Meyer to continue with his line of questioning, but don't understand how one man can sonorously drone on and on while another lies screaming in pain mere feet away.

Asking questions might warrant a physical altercation with law enforcement in a dictatorial nation, but America is not a dictatorship and we, as Americans, have the right to ask whatever the hell we wish without fear of persecution.

The police do not have the right to brutalize law-abiding citizens. Six police officers armed with tasers versus one college student is not a fair fight and I sincerely hope that the officers involved in this incident are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

We're being told that we're fighting for freedom and democracy in Iraq. Maybe we should be be fighting for it at home first.

Links:

TheAndrewMeyer.com
MSNBC coverage
The Gainesville Sun coverage
Michelle Malkin -- a truly despicable human being in every sense of the word.
Jon Robin Baitz -- More Pinter Than Pythom @ The Huffington Post
Greg Lukianoff -- Florida Tasers Away Student Rights @ The Huffington Post
Nick Antosca -- Kerry Should Be Ashamed and the Cop Who Tased Andrew Meyer Should Be Jailed