I finally read The Bridges of Madison County by Robert James Waller. It was quiet and beautiful. Kind of like driving on a deserted country road on a warm summer afternoon.
It brings up the age-old question -- is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Four days of poetry, passion and being with someone who loves you in the purest sense of the word or not even knowing such a person even existed because four days in the span of a lifetime is the briefest blink of an eye.
It also raises the question of what would you do if confronted with his person? Would you run away and live the wild, passionate life you always dreamed of or would you do the 'right thing' and sacrifice your dreams for the well-being of your family.
If you did the 'right thing,' there'd be a little part of you that died. However, if you ran away, you'd be shattering the lives of three other people [in the book, Francesca was married with two children].
No matter what you do, you just can't win. It reminds me of a Chris Isaak lyric -- "This world will only break your heart."
I'm an idiot. I really am. I have all these brainless, baseless biases and I let them dictate my life. I didn't want to read this book because I thought it was chick lit -- maudlin and syrupy. The script to a chick flick and nothing more. I couldn't have been more wrong and I should have seen it. I mean, seriously -- would Clint Eastwood really direct a chick flick? Of course not!
I did the same thing with The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy. I was assigned to read it for a contemporary lit class and I complained. I moaned and groaned and pouted and refused to read anything with any connection to Barbra Streisand until my professor, Brennan Enos [great man who I need to look up, one of these days] told me to just shut up and read the damn book. I'm glad I did. It's funny, shocking, intricate and well-written.
I should live more and be less biased. I think I'm missing out by letting these ignorant ideas color my perceptions.
Now Hear This:
It brings up the age-old question -- is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Four days of poetry, passion and being with someone who loves you in the purest sense of the word or not even knowing such a person even existed because four days in the span of a lifetime is the briefest blink of an eye.
It also raises the question of what would you do if confronted with his person? Would you run away and live the wild, passionate life you always dreamed of or would you do the 'right thing' and sacrifice your dreams for the well-being of your family.
If you did the 'right thing,' there'd be a little part of you that died. However, if you ran away, you'd be shattering the lives of three other people [in the book, Francesca was married with two children].
No matter what you do, you just can't win. It reminds me of a Chris Isaak lyric -- "This world will only break your heart."
I'm an idiot. I really am. I have all these brainless, baseless biases and I let them dictate my life. I didn't want to read this book because I thought it was chick lit -- maudlin and syrupy. The script to a chick flick and nothing more. I couldn't have been more wrong and I should have seen it. I mean, seriously -- would Clint Eastwood really direct a chick flick? Of course not!
I did the same thing with The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy. I was assigned to read it for a contemporary lit class and I complained. I moaned and groaned and pouted and refused to read anything with any connection to Barbra Streisand until my professor, Brennan Enos [great man who I need to look up, one of these days] told me to just shut up and read the damn book. I'm glad I did. It's funny, shocking, intricate and well-written.
I should live more and be less biased. I think I'm missing out by letting these ignorant ideas color my perceptions.
Now Hear This:
- Eanie Meany -- Jim Noir
- Earthquakes and Sharks -- Brandtson
- You Got Me All Wrong -- [Dios] Malos
- Mas Que Nada -- Tamba Trio
4 comments on "This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime..."
The image of Superman, half superhero, half human man is not an illusion Jaime, it's a reality. It's a reality because I am living it right now.
Big leaps. Working for "the man". Sure, I'm hoping around a bit, having free nights of sex and champagne mixed in with constant lists of dates to pay water, electric, rent bills, early bedtimes to make early training sessions at strange buildings to learn how to sell timeshares to strangers.
The emotion, the connection, the void of what so many of us yearn for is in a constant state of arrest I feel. Now, although proud of what I've achieved in only 4 months, I'm secretly planning my own revolution and perhaps (and I am certain this can be argues) I've been doing it my entire life. What kind of a revolution, I'm not sure, but whatever it is, it goes against 90% of the world that I am currently engaging in, finding success in (in socities eyes which is measured in money, health insurance, and days which all begin and end the same with only one goal in mind - make more money.)
From the moment I could identify with people, and animals, I knew I wasn't meant to follow the already beaten path - few are. Those who aren't at some point, in order to be "free", in order to find out who they are, must become one of my greatest fears in this world - just another can in the assembly line.
It's quite funny. You make passionate love to someone, something you may have been privately yearning for and secretly praying for just to allow yourself a bit of a rush, of danger, of true american in your face rebellion, and then - sometimes - after it's all said and done, you sit back, or lay back (if you're still under the sheets) and look around and say to yourself, "So, is this it? Is this what it's all about?"
We go to meaningless jobs, take meaningless classes to learn what a society sadly has been conditioned to think, believe, and even how to behave because not even have dared to challenge that, to question that, those who have have either been shot, burned, hung, or forced to become so incredibly isolated and secluded, and for so long, that the moment they dip those toes back into the water of society, they just can't manage to jump back in. What's holding them back?
Themselves.
So, I smile, I get excited, I go through the motions and I feel I'm really being bold, just seeing what comes, doing it, going for it as always, while all the while having absoutely no idea what I am doing - but - it's working! It's working, it's really really working, at least for now.
Selling a timeshare to a stranger, calling and speaking on a little telephone in a teeny cubicle (which I have yet to see, perhaps later on this week) is what the motions do - it's what the body does. The heart though - the heart sits - the heart stays.
Clark Kent is the me who is paying her bills, making constant lists, living on a budget, side-stepping the little lizards each morning and evening I return back home... Clark Kent is the one eating little frozen shrimp tv dinners, white turkey with peas and potatoes with gravy and stuffing (that's my favorite). Clark Kent is the one taking the little baths, lighting the candles, engaging in everlasting passionate love affairs with one, two, maybe three different individuals because the fire must continue to burn as it's the only guide.
Superman, all Superman wants to do is grab a camera, run to the village, run to the center of the action, and tell the story, present the truth, challenge the norm, scream the unheard - get those animals the cool air they deserve so they can sleep... which I did. But, not enough, still not. Again, the camera is ready. The moment a batter steps up to the plate I'll be there, ready, to help make that change.
One final mental image of a certain dog's face is one that will forever be etched into my mind. I wish I hadn't seen it but I had to. Still, it haunts me.
Like it was once said in an episode of "Sex And The City".
Do we ever truly escape the ghosts of our past or are we forever haunted by them until we in some form, resolve them?
Two identities.
jl
Sometimes I will do that; I will read a book I've already pre-judged as not worth my time because, hey, I am so above that drivel and then be pleasantly surprised. Well, no wonder Goodnight Moon is such a classic.
I love Goodnight Moon too :)
After the entry the other day I stop in again today, (my schedule these days is so tight it's amazing I even remember I am "ONLINE" and have such a cosy home I've kept for so many years, lol.
Today was a phenomenal day.
Worked extremely hard, meeting new people. Visited the local plastic surgeon (will be happy to recommend a name once all is completed and I am given a clean bill of health) - was just diagnosed with another cyst located on the back of my neck and due to my skin condition (I have kelloid skin, very thin skin, scars heavily) it's takes a special type of surgeon to work on it, me, etc. I should be a-ok.
It's incredible.
Some days you feel you are in a black hole and the smoke continues to build and build suffocating you, and then the moment you find a sliver of light, a breath, your world opens up like the sky (especially here in Orlando after the storms, I'm learning to adore and look forward to them) suddenly anything seems possible, and for me, those ambitions are always heightened with a GIANT A... aka SAVING THE WORLD... yes I am attempting it every single day of my life. ;-)
Either way, a fantastic day today... writing is cathardic, so proud of J for moving over here and proud of myself for managing a few moments to sit my busier than ever tushy down and log into the net world, a world I've carved a little niche for myself out in...
So, back to applying for brand new insurance plans, benefits, paperwork, bills, bedtimes, all the stuff that all you regular hard working americans take part in... ;-) and then, praying for a nice date to schedule various surgeries (there will be more than one) and continue on with the working, the HUMANITARIAN'ING, and more.
Consider me just a tumbleweed blowing through in the wind....
I pray my laptop forgives me for only using him for a few hours these last few days, weeks, months... I'm certain he's relieved however to see me actually out there facing these little practicalities of life and tipping his hat... I know Marley must be laughing, lol... "She's actually attempting the HUMAN STUFF!" (inside joke)
jl OUT
www.jamieleigh.net
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