October 2, 2007

The Hills: What Happens In Vegas

Posted by Miss Jaime at Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Episode here and commentary below.

This week's episode of The Hills was rather festive. The ladies (sans Whitney, plus newcomer Jill) headed off to Vegas to celebrate Brody Jenner's birthday and Spencer and Heidi celebrated their one year anniversary. As much as I dislike the unholy hybrid that is Spencer+Heidi, I do like the fact that they have a local. I've gotta work on getting one of those with The Fiance. Anyone know any good places in West Chester? Let me know.

Anyway, onto the episode.

Heh. Spencer wants to give Heidi a facial. Yes, I am a 14-year-old boy -- thanks for asking. Alright, I've got that out of my system now. Moving on.

Justin-Bobby returns as surly as ever. Firstly, who takes a guitar on a plane without a carrying case and secondly, why does he insist on stealing Audrina's sunglasses?



Justin Bobby is one part Hollywood celebutante (note the pursed lips), one part Bono as The Fly and all parts filth-encrusted. Every time I see him, I just wanna toss a bar of Irish Spring his way and hose him down.

Is The Palms the only hotel in Vegas? MTV would certainly have you believe so.

Lo (after Lauren poses a shoe-related question): Just try 'em all on!

Oh, Lo! She's a girl after my own heart and one who fully understands the importance of shoes in a girl's life. It's this philosophy that had me tearing up and down stairs in four-inch heels on Sunday. Yes, I almost mangled my ankle (again), but dammit, I looked awesome. Two different people told me I had a Jackie O-esque vibe happening and if that isn't a compliment, I don't know what is.

You Look Like A Pratt!

Yes! The 'Bitch, I'mma Brain You' Face returns! We saw this gem of an expression when Heidi white-washed Spencer's gaudy mural and it returned in full force this week when Heidi had to cut their date short.



Pratt-Daddy looks like he's three seconds away from having fire leap from his eyeballs and melt all of Heidi's plastic bits and pieces. Awesome. Just awesome.

Not so awesome? Heidi saying, "I love you" and Pratt-Daddy responding, "No, you don't" in a tone flatter than Heidi's chest, pre-plastic surgery.

Speaking of which -- I can't believe Heidi would rather spend time with Spencer than work at the Emmy's. The girl's an idiot and doesn't deserve the job she has.

And on that note, score for Elodie!



Was it a bit of a childish move on Elodie's part? Yeah, but Heidi deserved it. She's got a job that thousands (myself included) covet and she doesn't seem remotely appreciative.

Not surprised by Lauren and Brody's kiss at all. Especially when you consider how palpable the sexual tension is between the pair. Although, I was a little confused as to whether he was kissing her or eating her face.



See what I mean? I once dated a guy who tried to suction out my molars every time we kissed. It was like being violated by a dentist. No fun at all.

Speaking of teeth, Audrina's passive-aggressive whining got to me like a dental drill. Take it from someone who's dated a Justin Bobby type -- cut your losses and move on. Trust me. You'll be much happier (and when did this blog go from pop culture commentary to a laundry list of the losers I've dated?)

Quote of the Week: Our defending champion, Lauren triumphs again this week with this classy little soundbyte: "I just saw Lo's Britney!" Classic. Just classic.

And while we're on the subject -- dear God, it's like watching a slow-motion car crash, isn't it? I have no pity for Spears, but I feel terrible for her kids. Ten years from now, they'll go online and not only see Mommy's 'Britney', but see a plethora of pictures including, but no limited to, Mommy falling down sloppy-drunk on numerous occasions, Bald Mommy attacking photographers with an umbrella and Mommy endangering their lives more than once.

Schadenfreude only goes so far. At this point, it's just sad.

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