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Remember the scene in Pulp Fiction where Vincent jams a needle full of pure adrenaline into Mia's heart?

Going bridal shopping is kind of like that...except in this case, the needle is a bunch of gorgeous dresses and instead of adrenaline, the needle's quivering with estrogen.



This dress reminded me of that grey Versace number Carrie Bradshaw wore in the sixth season of Sex and the City. Gorgeous in theory, but if I were to try it on, it would probably engulf me.



Part of my bridesmaid duties -- wear pretty dress, provide embarrassing pictures and stories about the bride and groom and get lushed. I'm think I'm well-qualified for the position.

After bridal shopping, we headed over to Jake and Steph's to play Trivial Pursuit: 80s Edition.



Here's a helpful hint -- just because you grew up in the 80s, it doesn't mean you will dominate the game.



Having an encyclopedic knowledge of Simpsons episodes? That's a different story. I actually answered a question about Canadian politics because of information I learned on The Simpsons. Ha -- and they call it the idiot box.



Dana celebrated our good fortune [read: my nerdish leanings] by inhaling a bottle of Raspberry Sparkletini -- the best alcoholic beverage one can purchase for under $5 [excluding Boulaine's Amaretto, of course]



Dana: I will punch you in the dick if you guys don't get this.
Jerry: Dude, you better know the answer to this question....

Thankfully, the boys avoided a crotch-punching, but Jake still kept close guard and managed to salute us. Granted, it was a one-finger salute, but we'll take it anyway.



Things are looking grim for the boys' team. See, this is why you never go up against me in any sort of pop culture tournament. You will go down and you will go down hard.



Finally, Jake admits defeat. Ha ha ha. In yo' eye, sucka!



Watch this.

Now, imagine Jerry doing the same thing with Callie.



HI-larity.

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Now, aren't you glad you waste your time reading my nonsense? Every now and then, something worthwhile pops up.

Sun is warm; grass is green; Jaime is happy

Today has been amazing for the following reasons:

• My organized crime professor took half-an-hour in class today to discuss the topic I'm writing an article about. How cool is that? Tons of great information at my fingertips.
  
  
• I saw turtles! In the pond near the Union, there were three of them, just swimming away. One big, one medium and one small. I must have spent ten minutes just watching them. They were so cute and now, I want a turtle. I'll name him Raphael...or Donatello. It depends on his personality.
  
  
• The Best Friend and I were walking to Chik-Fil-A and we noticed these two women handing out cookies. Since we're suckers for a good cookie, we stopped to find out what was going out. It turns out they're part of a community service organization called 'Ask Mom'. They're local area moms who just show up on campus with cookies, advice and hugs. It was so sweet and best of all? I networked my way into a potential feature story. I'm a hustla', baby. Just want you to know ;)
  
  
• I found Everclear's Greatest Hits [Thanks, Dirt-Tay!] in the car and rocked out the whole way home. Sunshine, all green lights and my favorite band. Perfection.
  
  
• Ramone sent me the sweetest little message which started with, "after reading your page and some of your old blogs, I'm impressed and somewhat jealous of your writing style!" How nice is that? I'm always a little surprised when people say they like my writer. I just see myself as this kid who picks up a pen and scrawls nonsense.
  
  
• Dana and Jess are both gonna be in town this weekend. Knock, knock! Who's there? BOOZE! Tinfoil will be in full effect at Lush Manor this weekend!
  
  
• And finally -- does anyone out there have an mp3 of Justin Timberlake performing Let's Stay Together with the Rev. Al Green? You can't deny the boy's talent if the Reverend himself wants to perform with him. Sidenote -- I'm not the slightest bit religious, but if I could have the Reverend Al Green marry me -- I'd jump on that opportunity. How cool would that be?

Reason #4687645213697 being a writer rocks:

Working in your underwear 'cause it's laundry day.

The food is so good in this century!

FRIDAY

There might be cake! Dana, being the kick-ass baker that she is, decided that it was high time she baked a cake. Who are we to refuse baked goods...especially Funfetti-flavored baked goods with vanilla frosting and sprinkles.



I'm not sure the baking excited her or the fact that we were talking about the David Beckham 'Got Milk' ad...?



There is no greater pleasure, no sin more exquisite than frosting...



Paul lurked around the kitchen for a good five minutes hoping to get a taste of the batter. Needless to say, it made him happy.



Anthony Bourdain doesn't cook sober and neither do we.



Cake and beer. It's a winning combination. Like peanut butter and jelly, Lucy and Ethel or vodka and even more vodka.



Another winning combination, especially at Casa de Drunkenness.



Cue the angelic chorus! Cake! There might be cake! And there is!



"Frosting, you have scorned me for the last time...."



Hmmm. Ethnic? Check. Barefoot? Check. Kitchen? Check. Yep -- everything seems to be in order here...



And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what the finished product looked like.



Paul couldn't wait to launch into it and came strapped with dual knife-wielding capabilities.



And because everything we say is some sort of thinly veiled sexual reference, our conversation while making the cake ended up on my wall.

After our culinary adventure, we ended up at Steak 'N Shake for glorious Halloween milkshakes -- caramel apple, s'mores and some sort of diabolical chocolate fudge/chocolate chip concoction.



I picked the caramel apple shake and my God, it was the greatest decision I've made in my life. It actually tasted just like a caramel apple.



French fries made Steph happy. S'Mores-flavored milkshake made her even happier.



If Jake went five minutes without making some sort of smart-ass comment, I think I'd die of shock.



I suggested that The Best Friend give me a taste of his s'mores shake. He responded by snarling like a rabid badger. Lesson of the day: Don't touch The Best Friend's milkshake.



Dana's banana split shake was glorious in a way that only banana-flavored products are.



You try sucking straight caramel through a straw without your face looking like this.



In addition to cake, beer and glorious milkshakes, the best part of the night was seeing my niece, Phoebedog! She makes happy noises everytime she comes over to the apartment. For her, Casa de Drunkeness is Casa de Bellyrubs.

SATURDAY

A conversation between Dana and I:

Jaime: Dude, I woke up like, an hour ago.
Dana: Me too.
Jaime: What the hell was in those milkshakes?
Jaime and Dana simultaneously: Roofies...



After a late wake-up call, The Best Friend, Dana and I grabbed lunch at the Pita Pit -- home of delicious hummus and pitas the size of your head.



See -- I'm not joking. Those things are huge...and so good. Dana and I bonded over the tzatziki sauce and decided that we both want to be buried in it so we can eat our way out.



After lunch, we went to Lake Eola to hang out at the Wine Room with Kelly. It's swanky and features my new favorite wine -- the St. Supery Moscato.



The selection is jaw-dropping and they even have a room dedicated to rare vintages which probably cost more than my life.



Now, I may not be the biggest enophile, but I have to agree with this quote. Good food, good music and good drinks always bring people closer together.



I really liked the ambience of the place. It was romantic, so the next time the boyfriend's in town, I'll be sure to plan a date here.



Keeping with the whole romance theme, the sunset was gorgeous ["Baby, you're gonna miss your plane." "I know."]



For dinner, we hit up Whole Foods and I got the world's most delicious Greek salad. I want to find the man who first invented this culinary delight and french kiss him....although, after eating all that feta cheese, I don't think it would be a particularly pleasurable sensation.



Dana got emotional over the baklava. If manna from the Gods truly exists, it would have to be this dessert. The honey just swims in your mouth and it is amazing.



In addition to killer Greek delicacies, awesome vegan chocolate chip cookies and mini shopping carts for little kids, Whole Foods also has a pretty decent beer selection. I love the fact that they carry Orange Blossom Pilsner. It's a local microbrew and damn tasty from what I hear.

SATURDAY NIGHT -- The Best Friend, Dana, Kelly and I congregated at our local sex megastore, Fairvilla to bond over raunchy videos, Halloween costumes and vibrators. Since Fairvilla has a no photography policy, I couldn't take any pictures, but highlights from the night include: a very helpful sales associate named Michel who is, hands-down, the world's leading authority on sex toys, a video series named Big Sausage Pizza which was almost enough to make me stop eating pizza all together [almost], another nip tweak from Kelly and trying on a costume which caused the security guard to remark, "You look like a little schoolgirl....you want some candy?" Good times as always.



All in all, a great weekend. The original plan was to spend it moping while watching The Notebook and the Thanksgiving episode of Party of Five from Season 1, but I have great friends who refused to let that happen.

When you've got friends like mine, delicious food and great music [Soundtrack for the weekend: Still Not A Player by Big Pun, I Get Around by Tupac Shakur and the ubiquitous Juicy by the Notorious B.I.G.] -- life is good.

I live in notes and photographs

The opening scene of Love Actually is pretty perfect. Shot at Heathrow Airport, it's a montage of people at the arrivals gate. There's something amazing about the way people light up when they see a face they recognize...and last Thursday, I got to be one of these incredibly lucky people.

Dan flew in and the second I saw him, I just lit up. It was like something out of the movies.

Thursday morning started off like this. It looked like something out of Tolkien...or Houses of the Holy.



Dan majored in film and I minored it, so movies were definitely a huge part of the agenda. This being the case, I made him a gift basket -- popcorn, soda, Junior Mints, Sour Patch Kids, Hershey Kisses with Caramel [♥ So good!] and a Guinness t-shirt to celebrate his Irish heritage and my rampant alcoholism [kidding].



We drove up to Gainesville on Saturday to spend some quality time with my sister. As you can tell from the picture, I highly recommend the spinach alfredo farfalle.



Like all ballers and/or shot-callers, my sister rocks the platinum.

While there, I fell in love with this gorgeous car. I love the classics. Most of the cars made in the 50s and 60s remind me of rocket ships, which makes a lot of sense considering the national interest in space exploration.

After lunch, we headed to the Florida Museum of Natural History where we encountered this massive mastodon. The sheer size of this thing blows my mind. I mean, the tusks could function as a water slide.



We also encountered the world's most terrifying sea creature. This thing's scarier than that singing bass...and that sucker belts out Don't Worry, Be Happy.



I love turtles. Whether they're scarfing down pizza and practicing martial arts or advocating literacy, they are awesome little creatures. There's actually a huge one that lives in our neighborhood. I named him Sampson and I help him cross the street every now and then.



We also hung out at the Harn Museum of Art, Now, techinically -- you're not supposed to take pictures inside the gallery, but if they can't see the flash, they can't catch you. The abnormally loud whirring noise my camera emits, though....



The courtyard at the Harn was gorgeous and incredibly serene. So of course, I classed it up even further by grabbing Pan the Satyr's butt.



My favorite part of the courtyard was the little pond complete with tadpoles and waterlilies. Monet comes alive. It's like Frampton Comes Alive...only not at all.



On the way home, the sky opened up and it started to rain. We're talking water of Biblical proportions here. At one point, I was actually driving 15 mph on the 408. In a town where the speed limit is seen as nothing more than a polite suggestion, this was pretty much unheard of.



Sunday night, I put my culinary skills to work and made dinner for the boys -- eggplant parmesan and Caesar salad. I curse like a sailor, I can't parallel park, I touch statues in inappropriate areas and I listen to Hootie and the Blowfish without the faintest trace of irony....but I can cook and that's gotta count for something.



Pepe really liked the eggplant and thanked me by kicking my [already damaged] ankle and leaving a massive bruise. Oh Pepe -- you're going to make some unlucky woman very bitter one day.

All in all -- it was an amazing week. I miss him like crazy, though. Little things - the way he recites lines from Ghostbusters, his 'Gatsby' smile ["...and then, his face broke into that radiant and understanding smile, as if we'd been in ecstatic cahoots on that fact all the time." The Great Gatbsy. F. Scott Fitzgerald], the way he'd kiss my shoulder when he thought I was sleeping and his Slimer impersonation which, no matter the circumstance, can always make laugh hysterically.

I can't wait until we see each other again.

In the 80s and early 90s, I wanted my MTV. Now, I'm functionally retarded...

[Thinking about my 8th grade math teacher]

"Oh my God...his name was Mike Hunt. Ha! Hahaha....Wait. Maybe it was Stephen...."

I'm gonna break it down and beg like James...

Old goal out. New goal in.

A bombastic bottom, a resplendent rear, a delicious duff, a gluteus gilded by Midas himself, a bloomin' onion just like Shakira's.

Mommy's gonna need 500 cc's of red beans and rice, STAT!

Damn you, Nip/Tuck

I'm doing the DVD-on-TV thing with Nip/Tuck and last night, I watched the episode where Sean is attacked by The Carver.

Intense and terrifying episode. In addition to a brutal rape scene [I saw about three seconds of it before squeezing my eyes shut and telling The Best Friend to let me know when it was over], the episode also featured this horrific shot of Sean washing his face in the mirror, looking up and seeing The Carver right there behind him.

I knew it was coming. It was completely obvious, but when I saw it -- I still leapt six feet in the air.

As a result, I am up at 5:00 a.m. after one of the worst nights of sleep in my life. What can I tell you? It was a psychological beatdown....but so well done.

I wonder who this guy is and why he hates the modern ideal of beauty so much. I'm guessing he's one of Sean and Christian's former patients. He went through surgery, but his life didn't miraculously change as he expected and therefore, he's lashing out at the world. There's only one issue with that, though. He's got to have some sort of medical knowledge because how would he:

a) have access to the "waking coma" paralyzing agent
and
b) how would he know to administer a non-lethal dose?

I realize this is all old-hat by now, but don't ruin it for me. I'm completely rapt.

The last disc of season two is supposed to come in at the end of this week [Blockbuster Online = ♥] and from what everyone tells me -- the season finale is amazing. Can't wait for that.

Years of rock shows = acute hearing loss

Jaime: Yo, Zelda Fitzgerald was a bitch.
Sparky: What about fruit salad?
Jaime: What?!
Sparky: You said something about fruit salad.
Jaime: No, I said 'Zelda Fitzgerald was a bitch.'
Sparky: Oh, I thought you said, 'Yo! I want some fruit salad, bitch!'

Music is greater than or equal to love*

I am in love.

This is why all the other bookshelves laugh at mine. Because she is stacked with books about rock and roll.

Hemingway? Absent. Dickens? Nonexistent. Poe? No. Hell, I don't even have any chick-lit. No shocking pink tales of sassy women and martinis.

All I have is pages and pages about rock and roll and how it will save your soul and deliver you from...nowhere. Rock biographies detailing the lives of Aerosmith and Stevie Ray Vaughan. Studies into the very soul of Springsteen. Tiny tomes combining Zen Buddhism and six string serenades.

Of all these books I love, the one thing I love the most is hearing musicians on musicians. Before they're musicians, before they even pick up an axe or a pair of drum sticks -- they're fans. It makes them a little less mythic and a little more human knowing they have the same heroes and idols as you do. Check out Dave Grohl on Led Zeppelin. You'll see what I mean.

A Nickel's Worth of Free Advice -- check out the following. You'll be a better person for it.

• Dale Stephanos. I love his Robert Johnson and John Lee Hooker pieces.
• Raymond Chandler.
• Rehearsals.com
  
• Pretend You Don't Know -- Time and Distance
• My Flickr Favorites

* Title changed for the sole reason that William The Conquerer referred to himself as a mathematician and that's just badass.

Zack + Kelly = True Love 4-Ever

Forget Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde and Noah and Allie.

Zack and Kelly? That's a real love story.