Dear Diet Coke:
We need to talk.
We've been together for a little while now and we've had a good time but it's time for me to move on.
It's not you. It's me. Actually no. That's not right at all. It's you. All you, actually.
The thing is -- you're bad. Not in the fun way that involves tequila shots and utterly regrettable pictures the morning after, but bad in that whole Aspartame causes cancer in lab rats kinda way.
I love you. I really do. You're refreshing, sweet, bubbly, always there when I need you and God, I love the way you taste...but I can't do this anymore. This just isn't a healthy relationship anymore.
Listen, you're going to find someone new. Someone great who loves you and is totally willing to overlook the fact that some scientists believe that diet soda actually leads to weight gain and that Aspartame converts into methanol in your body.
Me, though? I'm moving on.
Thanks for the great memories.
Love:
Jaime xx
P.S. -- Restaurant booty calls are still OK under the Geneva Convention of Break-Ups. We'll do it fountain-style!
We need to talk.
We've been together for a little while now and we've had a good time but it's time for me to move on.
It's not you. It's me. Actually no. That's not right at all. It's you. All you, actually.
The thing is -- you're bad. Not in the fun way that involves tequila shots and utterly regrettable pictures the morning after, but bad in that whole Aspartame causes cancer in lab rats kinda way.
I love you. I really do. You're refreshing, sweet, bubbly, always there when I need you and God, I love the way you taste...but I can't do this anymore. This just isn't a healthy relationship anymore.
Listen, you're going to find someone new. Someone great who loves you and is totally willing to overlook the fact that some scientists believe that diet soda actually leads to weight gain and that Aspartame converts into methanol in your body.
Me, though? I'm moving on.
Thanks for the great memories.
Love:
Jaime xx
P.S. -- Restaurant booty calls are still OK under the Geneva Convention of Break-Ups. We'll do it fountain-style!
6 comments on "Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling."
Are we talking about Diet Coke here? Because that stuff is addicting as all get out. I've never liked it, but I've seen lots of people suffer from it.
It's ridiculous how addicting that stuff is. But the more I read about it -- the more it terrifies me.
You mentioned seeing people suffer from it -- what kind of suffering are we talking? I'm not going to see babies crawling on the ceiling, am I?
Is that the stuff in sweet'n'low? if it is I'm out of luck because I use that shit ALL THE TIMEEEEE DAMNIT.
okay breathe. let me know, I'll forego my diet pepsi, sweet'n'low in just about anything diet.
all in the name of health.
Congrats! Next you should quit soda altogether. Try it :)
I feel your pain. I love Diet Coke, I used to drink that shit constantly. I've weaned myself off and now I only have it when I go out to eat or for a special treat. hehe
Rats get cancer just by being alive. How do they know if certain stuff makes it worse?
Post a Comment