Dear Santa (is Santa OK? Do you want to be called Mr. Claus or perhaps Nick? Kris?)
Hi. This is Jaime. Remember me? I'm usually on the good list until my big mouth gets me in trouble? Yeah. That's the one.
I know it's been a while since I wrote and for that, I apologize. Are you on Facebook? 'Cause that would make communication so much easier. Just watch out for all those stupid third party add-ons. They can get annoying after a while.
Oh and as for the whole not leaving cookies out on Christmas Eve thing? I know it seems like a dick move, but I was actually looking out for you. I figure you probably eat somewhere in the neighborhood of 300,000 cookies on Christmas Eve. This can only lead to one thing:
Yeah. No bueno. Just ask Wilford Brimley.
See, I've got your back, Big Guy.
Anyway, this year -- I decided to put my wish list online to make life easier for you. Also, I've divided the list into two different categories:
- Boy, This Girl Asks For Some Ridiculous Shit
- Alright, That I Can Handle That...
You ready? Let's hit it.
Boy, This Girl Asks For Some Ridiculous Shit
- Front row tickets to Led Zeppelin at Madison Square Garden back in 1973 and a Delorean that enables me to time-travel there and back. Dude, come on. It's the concert from The Song Remains The Same.
- Front row tickets to see Stevie Ray Vaughan in concern and a Delorean that enables me to time-travel there and back. Word of warning, though? I'd probably tell him not to get on that helicopter which might cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space time continuum, and destroy the entire universe! Granted, that's a worse case scenario. The destruction might in fact be very localized, limited to merely our own galaxy.
- A sit down with Bob and Harvey Weinstein. What? I've got some ideas....
- Hair like Alessandria Ambrosio's. No roots, no touch-ups. Just killer hair like this. Every day. No flat iron, product or curling iron required.
Look, while we're giving out fantasy presents, can I just ask for a body like hers too? One that I don't have to work to maintain at all? 'Cause that would be sweet. If I could eat cheese fries and look like this, that would rock.
Don't tell Mrs. Claus...and you're welcome.
- I was going to ask for world peace but given the fact that the current president is an idiot of monumental proportions, I'm sure he'd screw it up in a second and therefore, squander your gift. I also thought about asking you to fix the economic crisis but again, I'm sure they'd find a way to bollocks it all up before December 26th, so never mind.
Anyway, let's get to small stuff, shall we?
Alright, I Can Handle That...
This necklace. It's cute, quirky, super-affordable and available here.
That's it. See, I'm relatively easy to please!
Anyway -- fly safe and watch out for low-flying aircraft! Merry Christmas!
Lots of love:
Jaime xx
Hi. This is Jaime. Remember me? I'm usually on the good list until my big mouth gets me in trouble? Yeah. That's the one.
I know it's been a while since I wrote and for that, I apologize. Are you on Facebook? 'Cause that would make communication so much easier. Just watch out for all those stupid third party add-ons. They can get annoying after a while.
Oh and as for the whole not leaving cookies out on Christmas Eve thing? I know it seems like a dick move, but I was actually looking out for you. I figure you probably eat somewhere in the neighborhood of 300,000 cookies on Christmas Eve. This can only lead to one thing:
Yeah. No bueno. Just ask Wilford Brimley.
See, I've got your back, Big Guy.
Anyway, this year -- I decided to put my wish list online to make life easier for you. Also, I've divided the list into two different categories:
- Boy, This Girl Asks For Some Ridiculous Shit
- Alright, That I Can Handle That...
You ready? Let's hit it.
Boy, This Girl Asks For Some Ridiculous Shit
- Front row tickets to Led Zeppelin at Madison Square Garden back in 1973 and a Delorean that enables me to time-travel there and back. Dude, come on. It's the concert from The Song Remains The Same.
- Front row tickets to see Stevie Ray Vaughan in concern and a Delorean that enables me to time-travel there and back. Word of warning, though? I'd probably tell him not to get on that helicopter which might cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space time continuum, and destroy the entire universe! Granted, that's a worse case scenario. The destruction might in fact be very localized, limited to merely our own galaxy.
- A sit down with Bob and Harvey Weinstein. What? I've got some ideas....
- Hair like Alessandria Ambrosio's. No roots, no touch-ups. Just killer hair like this. Every day. No flat iron, product or curling iron required.
Look, while we're giving out fantasy presents, can I just ask for a body like hers too? One that I don't have to work to maintain at all? 'Cause that would be sweet. If I could eat cheese fries and look like this, that would rock.
Don't tell Mrs. Claus...and you're welcome.
- I was going to ask for world peace but given the fact that the current president is an idiot of monumental proportions, I'm sure he'd screw it up in a second and therefore, squander your gift. I also thought about asking you to fix the economic crisis but again, I'm sure they'd find a way to bollocks it all up before December 26th, so never mind.
Anyway, let's get to small stuff, shall we?
Alright, I Can Handle That...
This necklace. It's cute, quirky, super-affordable and available here.
That's it. See, I'm relatively easy to please!
Anyway -- fly safe and watch out for low-flying aircraft! Merry Christmas!
Lots of love:
Jaime xx
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