Gal reminds me of the highway between Fort Worth and Dallas. No curves.

Yesterday, while shopping for a pair of jeans, I had the following encounter in the dressing room:

Jaime: Hmm, I wonder if a size 0 would fit. They look alright lengthwise....
Jaime's Ass: Size 0? Bitch, you trippin'. Put that shit down.

I am 4'11" and 100lbs. I fit into a size 1 in most jeans but I still have curves because a) I'm ethnic and b) I love food. Seriously -- there is no greater pleasure in my life than bread. I am in constant awe of it.

Now, let's compare and contrast, shall we?

Kate Bosworth is 5'7" and has to have a size 0 taken in.
Ellen Pompeo is 5'7" and weighs 100 lbs.
Victoria Beckham is about 5'5" and has a 23" waist.

I know that thin is in and I know that designers recruit women with wire-thin frames to show off their clothes, but this is just ri-goddamn-diculous. When did it become taboo for a woman to look like a woman as opposed to a prepubescent 10-year-old boy?

When did it becomes okay to be be able to count your ribs? When did Playboy sales diminish and Razor Sharp Clavicle sales shoot through the roof? When did carbs replace Al-Qaida as public enemy #1?

Did the memo get lost, Hollywood? New secretary, perhaps? Well, here's a recap:

REAL WOMEN DON'T LOOK LIKE THIS.

You know what's great about being a woman? Well....besides free liquor and cute shoes? Curves. Breasts and hips and asses. Love 'em. They're delicious and most men I know agree.

Ever heard a man say, "Damn, that is one sexy collar bone jutting out of her chest"? No.
Ever heard a man say, "Gimme that donkey butt and them big ol' legs!"? No? Well, in that case, you need to download Let Me Ride That Donkey by the 69 Boyz [or Dunkie Butt by 12 Gauge -- Thank you, William The Conqueror :)].

All kidding aside though, not only is this trend stupid, it's dangerous. It perpetuates the false myth that in order to be successful and pretty, one needs to be skinny. Not just skinny, but practically malnourished.

It's heartbreaking, unhealthy and untrue.

I could subsist solely on celery and cigarettes and even then, I'm never going to have a boyish, Twiggy frame.

I'm supposed to be curvy and not only do I accept that, I dig it. Granted, every now and then, I have a moment of self-doubt where I wish I was gaunt like Nicole Richie because maybe then, clothes would look better on me. Then, I realize something -- curves are fun. You can do things with hips, breasts and asses that you can't with stick-figure frames.

So, to all the men out there who appreciate hips, breasts and asses -- I salute you and hope you have nothing but mind-blowing sex for the rest of your days.
To all the ladies with breasts, hips and asses -- rock the fuck on.
And to anyone trying to convince the world that the Skeletor look is hot -- eat a cheeseburger and just shut the fuck up.

P.S. -- I did manage to find a kickass pair of jeans. L.e.i. jeans make my ass happy. Seriously, you could bounce a quarter off of it. It's totally hot.