This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy.

Swingers is one of my favorite movies -- solid all the way around. Good plot, pacing and cinematography. Excellent and realistic dialogue. Good character development, a killer soundtrack, high quotability and Ron Livingston [shut up -- I have a little jones]
Love it.

Searching for 'Swingers Movie' images on Yahoo!, however? Not so much. A girl shouldn't be confronted with that many penii all at once. It's startling.

Anyway, I'm re-watching the movie and I came to a couple of conclusions:

• Women are exponentially hotter now than they were back in 1996. Granted, there's that weird clone thing going on where a good majority of them have orange 'Oompa Loompa' skin, fake breasts and cocaine nosejobs, but they're still hotter.
• Smoking a cigar can make any putz look cool. Don't listen to your mom and dad, kids. Smoking is cool.
• Ditto booze. Just make sure you order something cool like a Whiskey Sour and not, say...an Appletini.
• Things have changed since '96. Now, most men wanna roll business-class [which is fine by me 'cause little brown girls are often draggin' a wagon].
  
• Post-adolescent dating is tough.

See, in high school -- it's a piece of cake. A little algebra, a little feelski behind the bleachers, a break-up punctuated by banal and depressing music and you're onto the next suitor.

Post high-school? It's like trying to find sense in Britney Spears' marriage -- damn near impossible [Why K-Fed?! I mean, even if he's hung like a whale -- he looks like a herpes ranch].

One of the reasons post-adolescent dating is so complicated is due to sex. After high school, sex becomes way more prevalent. It's a lot easier to bring someone home when you don't have to worry about sneaking them past your mom's bedroom. Besides, people are more willing to sleep with someone who doesn't have a retainer. That's a fact, you know. It's been proven by scienticians.

Another reason high school dating is considerably easier than post-adolescent dating is because the words, "Where is this going?" rarely come up. In high school, if you and your significant other make it to homecoming, you've become the golden couple of your high school -- a teenage Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee [What? You try naming a couple who've been together as long as they have]. Although some may have those fluffy fantasies that they're going to be with their BF 4-EVA and get married and live the happily ever after -- most of us are smart enough to realize that this is definitely not the case.

Dating after the legal drinking age is kind of like....well, remember in Peter Pan, how you could tell the proximity of the crocodile based on the volume of the ticking clock? Yeah...it's kind of like that. The louder the sound, the closer the danger. The future gets closer.

You know what I want to do? Go on a date. Like a real, legitimate actual date. Where you dress up and the guy picks you up and he brings flowers. You go out to eat and he opens doors and pulls out chairs. You make that awkward conversation at first, but then, kinda ease into a groove. He pays for dinner and he drops you off at your door and wants a goodnight kiss, but doesn't expect it.

That's it. Nothing spectacular. Just your boiler-plate date. Simple, right? Well, as simple as it is -- I've never done it.

That's actually a lie. Every now and then, I'll drag the Best Friend out on one of those expeditions, but that doesn't count because A) a real date doesn't have to be Shanghai'd/cajoled into it and B) I can make awkward first-date conversation for about three minutes before I launch into some story about how I saw a dude at the bank who looked just like Rowdy Roddy Piper.

Does anyone even do this anymore or has it been replaced with the 'group hang' or, for the more promiscuous, sex?

In other news:

• Today consists of nothing more than a Laguna Beach marathon and iced decaf mochas. Team LC all the way.
• Back to Orlando tomorrow. I can't wait to hit up the gym, the pool and have access to my music library again.
• The laptop might just be the greatest invention ever. I am in love with my sister's laptop -- it's got a big screen, it's practically weight-less and I love the fact that I can blog and watch Laguna Beach at the same time.
• I need a pair of super comfy yoga pants and new tank tops. I think I'm gonna have to spend some quality time at Forever XXI.

Congratulations to my sister and the class of 2006.