AFC EAST CHAMPS, BABY!
December 28, 2008
December 24, 2008
Festivus Yes! Bagels No!
Happy Festivus!
I may not have an aluminum pole or evidence of a miracle but I do have a list of grievances just itching to be aired.
So, without further ado -- the Airing of Grievances:
- The Duggar Family and the media for fawning all over these people. Mr. and Mrs. Duggar: Stop having children! My God, the uterus is not a clown car! You can't possibly give each child the individual attention he or she deserves. To the media: Instead of mollycoddling a couple with an overactive reproductive system, how about lauding intellect? Scientists, mathematicians, artists, writers, philosophers! You know what happens when you praise stupidity? George W. Bush.
- Teenage girls going to the mall in their pajamas complete with bunny slippers. Really, girls? Come on! You drop the equivalent of my paycheck in one spree at Hollister. The least you can do is actually wear the clothing you purchase there.
- Dick Cheney (I thought evil like this only existed in comic books. He's like an unholy hybrid between Darth Vader and Lex Luthor) Rick Warren (handing out donuts does not make you any less of a bigot. It just makes you a homophobic publicity whore), Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Malkin, Steve Doocy, Karl Rove, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid (for not being nearly as combative as they should have been), George W. Bush, Rod Blagojevich, Bill O'Reilly, the Mormon Church members who voted 'yes; on Prop 8 (In what universe is having multiple underage brides a sacrosanct definition of marriage?) and about twenty other people whose names alone cause a serious spike in my blood pressure.
- The sandwich I ate last night. When I order a grilled veggie grinder, I expect a grilled sandwich, stuffed with tomatoes, mushrooms, onions and broccoli with melted mozzarella cheese on top. A grilled lettuce, cucumber, carrot and tomato sandwich with melted mozzarella on top is not the same thing. Grilled cucumbers taste awful!
- Icy steps. I wiped out this morning and as a result, have a very festive fruitcake-colored bruise on my leg.
Now, as tradition dictates -- I challenge any blogger out there to a feat of strength. Jaime 3:16 is ready to whup some ass.
On a more serious note -- merry Christmas! Have a wonderful holiday!
I may not have an aluminum pole or evidence of a miracle but I do have a list of grievances just itching to be aired.
So, without further ado -- the Airing of Grievances:
- The Duggar Family and the media for fawning all over these people. Mr. and Mrs. Duggar: Stop having children! My God, the uterus is not a clown car! You can't possibly give each child the individual attention he or she deserves. To the media: Instead of mollycoddling a couple with an overactive reproductive system, how about lauding intellect? Scientists, mathematicians, artists, writers, philosophers! You know what happens when you praise stupidity? George W. Bush.
- Teenage girls going to the mall in their pajamas complete with bunny slippers. Really, girls? Come on! You drop the equivalent of my paycheck in one spree at Hollister. The least you can do is actually wear the clothing you purchase there.
- Dick Cheney (I thought evil like this only existed in comic books. He's like an unholy hybrid between Darth Vader and Lex Luthor) Rick Warren (handing out donuts does not make you any less of a bigot. It just makes you a homophobic publicity whore), Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Malkin, Steve Doocy, Karl Rove, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid (for not being nearly as combative as they should have been), George W. Bush, Rod Blagojevich, Bill O'Reilly, the Mormon Church members who voted 'yes; on Prop 8 (In what universe is having multiple underage brides a sacrosanct definition of marriage?) and about twenty other people whose names alone cause a serious spike in my blood pressure.
- The sandwich I ate last night. When I order a grilled veggie grinder, I expect a grilled sandwich, stuffed with tomatoes, mushrooms, onions and broccoli with melted mozzarella cheese on top. A grilled lettuce, cucumber, carrot and tomato sandwich with melted mozzarella on top is not the same thing. Grilled cucumbers taste awful!
- Icy steps. I wiped out this morning and as a result, have a very festive fruitcake-colored bruise on my leg.
Now, as tradition dictates -- I challenge any blogger out there to a feat of strength. Jaime 3:16 is ready to whup some ass.
On a more serious note -- merry Christmas! Have a wonderful holiday!
December 20, 2008
No jobs! Freelance! Best thing in the world for a kid your age.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Yes, it's obnoxious, but what do you want? I majored in journalism, not advertising.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Slingin' Ink.
Yes, it's obnoxious, but what do you want? I majored in journalism, not advertising.
December 11, 2008
Suck it, Jesus. This award is my God now.
The Golden Globe nominations came out this morning and the Hollywood Foreign Press Association continues its age-long tradition of honoring mediocrity and crap. Hey, it works for government, why not the film and television industry?
My biggest grievance is the fact that Lost has been overlooked. Again.
Hollywood Foreign Press, I demand that you explain this fuckery at once. Season four of Lost was the best season to date. Writing as sharp as an Olsen's clavicle, a plot that continues to perplex, heart-wrenching emotion (The Constant is my favorite episode of the show because of how emotionally fulfilling it is. I've waited for the last five minutes of that show ever since I learned about Desmond and Penny. Hands-down, one of the best hours of television ever filmed. Vying for second best? Angel. Season five - A Hole In The World. Tragic, bittersweet and beautiful. Check it out:
In addition to this, a flawless performance by Michael Emerson. His portrayal of Ben Linus was alternately funny and terrifying...unlike nominee Jeremy Piven's portrayal of agent Ari Gold, a one-trick pony who needs to be put out to pasture.
My other major gripe -- Weeds' nomination for Best Series - Comedy or Musical. The season was awful. The show no longer retains any of its initial charm -- my two favorite characters have disappeared (Heylia and Conrad) as has the great title music and Nancy's gone from cool suburban mom to Whoretense the Hobag. Crap like this gets award nominations while great shows like Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip are axed. There's no justice in the world.
As for the rest of the nominations, here's a brief rundown of my thoughts:
- Heath Ledger's nomination for The Joker was no surprise, but I'm annoyed that neither The Dark Knight nor Christopher Nolan received any nods. Hopefully this will be rectified come Oscar season.
- Being an old-school pro-wrestling fan (don't hate. I grew up in the 80s. Besides, the insanity of the modern day Ultimate Warrior and Iron Sheik is hilarious. See what happens when you take one too many superkicks to the head?), I'm really excited to see The Wrestler. In addition to Darren Aronofsky's direction, the film is being touted as Mickey Rourke's comeback and the title track is performed by Bruce Springsteen. Sounds pretty great, but don't listen to me. Check out the trailer for yourself:
- Miley Cyrus should never be nominated for anything ever. Unless it's a rocketship headed straight for the sun or perhaps mandatory sterilization for the good of mankind.
- It took this long for Spielberg to get a lifetime achievement award? I wonder who'll be the one presenting it -- Tom Hanks? Harrison Ford? George Lucas? Martin Scorcese? Or maybe this guy:
As if Dawson Leery's life wasn't bad enough, the poor bastard will forever be immortalized looking like this. Man, that's rough.
A complete list of all nominations can be found here. What did you think of the nominations? Who do you think will win? Let's discuss!
My biggest grievance is the fact that Lost has been overlooked. Again.
Hollywood Foreign Press, I demand that you explain this fuckery at once. Season four of Lost was the best season to date. Writing as sharp as an Olsen's clavicle, a plot that continues to perplex, heart-wrenching emotion (The Constant is my favorite episode of the show because of how emotionally fulfilling it is. I've waited for the last five minutes of that show ever since I learned about Desmond and Penny. Hands-down, one of the best hours of television ever filmed. Vying for second best? Angel. Season five - A Hole In The World. Tragic, bittersweet and beautiful. Check it out:
In addition to this, a flawless performance by Michael Emerson. His portrayal of Ben Linus was alternately funny and terrifying...unlike nominee Jeremy Piven's portrayal of agent Ari Gold, a one-trick pony who needs to be put out to pasture.
My other major gripe -- Weeds' nomination for Best Series - Comedy or Musical. The season was awful. The show no longer retains any of its initial charm -- my two favorite characters have disappeared (Heylia and Conrad) as has the great title music and Nancy's gone from cool suburban mom to Whoretense the Hobag. Crap like this gets award nominations while great shows like Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip are axed. There's no justice in the world.
As for the rest of the nominations, here's a brief rundown of my thoughts:
- Heath Ledger's nomination for The Joker was no surprise, but I'm annoyed that neither The Dark Knight nor Christopher Nolan received any nods. Hopefully this will be rectified come Oscar season.
- Being an old-school pro-wrestling fan (don't hate. I grew up in the 80s. Besides, the insanity of the modern day Ultimate Warrior and Iron Sheik is hilarious. See what happens when you take one too many superkicks to the head?), I'm really excited to see The Wrestler. In addition to Darren Aronofsky's direction, the film is being touted as Mickey Rourke's comeback and the title track is performed by Bruce Springsteen. Sounds pretty great, but don't listen to me. Check out the trailer for yourself:
- Miley Cyrus should never be nominated for anything ever. Unless it's a rocketship headed straight for the sun or perhaps mandatory sterilization for the good of mankind.
- It took this long for Spielberg to get a lifetime achievement award? I wonder who'll be the one presenting it -- Tom Hanks? Harrison Ford? George Lucas? Martin Scorcese? Or maybe this guy:
As if Dawson Leery's life wasn't bad enough, the poor bastard will forever be immortalized looking like this. Man, that's rough.
A complete list of all nominations can be found here. What did you think of the nominations? Who do you think will win? Let's discuss!
December 10, 2008
Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam?!
390 copies.
65 emails.
250 envelopes.
Zero toner.
Zero paper.
Half a bottle of warm caffeine-free Diet Coke.
Half a serving of throughly mediocre cheese fries.
Two meetings.
Two meeting reschedules.
45 minutes to get home...in the rain.
If we're going by the numbers, today sucked.
This girl needs a silo-sized fruity margarita, a little G. Love and some Top Chef.
Hope you guys had a better day than I did!
65 emails.
250 envelopes.
Zero toner.
Zero paper.
Half a bottle of warm caffeine-free Diet Coke.
Half a serving of throughly mediocre cheese fries.
Two meetings.
Two meeting reschedules.
45 minutes to get home...in the rain.
If we're going by the numbers, today sucked.
This girl needs a silo-sized fruity margarita, a little G. Love and some Top Chef.
Hope you guys had a better day than I did!
December 9, 2008
Who says romance is dead?
I just got the following email from Dan:
"....Don’t worry about me on Christmas morning. As long as I wake up next to my most favorite present.
Love you!
P.S. I’ll be sleeping with my PS3 on Christmas Eve."
Who needs the love of a good woman when you've got a gaming console?
"....Don’t worry about me on Christmas morning. As long as I wake up next to my most favorite present.
Love you!
P.S. I’ll be sleeping with my PS3 on Christmas Eve."
Who needs the love of a good woman when you've got a gaming console?
A Conversation Between Best Friends
The Best Friend: I was tricked into seeing that Twilight movie.
Jaime: What?! You saw Twilight?The Best Friend: I was tricked! They said it was a vampire movie!
(Jaime dissolves into a fit of giggles)The Best Friend: Vampires don't sparkle in sunlight!
Jaime: You saw Twilight, dude. Even I didn't see that movie!The Best Friend: I was tricked!
Jaime: Awww, honey. It's OK. You might notice that your body is going through a lot of changes right now and it's all perfectly natural. When you're ready, we'll go out and get you some tampons. Would you like that?The Best Friend: Fuck you.
Is it any wonder The Best Friend calls me, "such an asshole"?
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