The Hills: Back To LA

You know, having a job really puts a serious dent in a girl's Hills blogging. I'm like, three weeks behind and have had to resort to watching the episodes online instead of on our seriously amazing television.



Yeah. It's pretty sweet.

However, this works out well for Milla Jovavich because now, I want to spend all my hard-earned ducats on her super-cute Target line.

A breakdown of the episode: Pratt-Daddy moved out of Casa Speidi and into Gatlin She-Pratt's digs, Whitney quit her job at Teen Vogue and got a job as a stylist with People's Revolution, Brody and Lauren get into a tiff because of he said/she said nonsense regarding significant others and Heidi's increasingly plastic facade continued to irritate me even further.

Let's talk about Miss Port's decision to leave Teen Vogue, shall we? Cherry position that hundreds would maim for, frequent trips to Paris, company perks like brushing shoulders with celebrities, the possibility of free couture and a paycheck?! I would do some incredibly shameful things to obtain a position like this and she's just letting it go to become a stylist at People's Revolution.

Speaking of clothing, Miss Montag debuted Heidiwood for clothing retailer, Anchor Blue. Like its namesake, the line is thoroughly mediocre, wildly unremarkable and slightly skanky.

And that brings us to this week's edition of You Look Like A Pratt! Usually, this section is dedicated to the overgrown Gerber Baby that is Spencer Pratt, but every now and then, Heidi steals the spotlight from him.



I would compare her to Barbie, but I think Barbie had slightly less plastic injected into her body. Miss Montag's sadness is about as genuine as that trout pout she's rocking.

If I awarded accolades for Most Annoying Moment, it would have been Heidi's half-wit story telling She-Pratt about the last time Speidi dined at Prana:

"When we were here, Spencer said he was going to get the Muscle Breakfast and I said, 'Why? Because you have no muscles?' and he said, 'Shut up.'

was the most stupid thing I have ever heard. If I had been in the vicinity and had overheard that crap, I would have grabbed the closest pot of hot coffee and flung it in her face. Oh and in case you're wondering, a Muscle Breakfast consists of egg whites, grilled chicken, fresh veggies, fruit and seven-grain toast.

How does She-Pratt have such a sweet apartment?!



When I was 22, I lived in a HUD housing development. That's a pretty way of saying I lived in the projects. I had a meth lab shut down three buildings away from me...and you know what? It was the best time of my life. God, I miss Lush Manor.
Quote of the Week: The honors go to Kelly Cutrone of People's Revolution. During their interview, she actually told Whitney, "You're basically making a deal with the devil." Is Whitney becoming a stylist or a drug mule?

However, Heidi comes in at a close second with, "It's not like we're broken up." Actually, Blondie -- you kind of are. I mean, I realize that when it comes to Pratt-Daddy, being a heinous bitch is de riguere, but when he moves out, takes all his shit with him and expresses a notion to date other women (who these women are, I have no idea. I mean, I'd rather shave my legs with a cheese grater than be in the same zip code as Admiral Asshole).

And to end on a good note:



Lo's back! She's the best friend any girl could ask for -- she's funny, she gives great advice and she's got great taste in clothes (and I'm sure she wouldn't mind sharing). How she doesn't have her own show on MTV is completely beyond me.