If Twitter Wasn't Firewalled...

Here's what I'd be saying.

And yes, I realize that I could just as easily Twitter from my Blackberry, but I stil haven't gotten used to the keys and predictive texting makes me want to punch cute little woodland creatures. In the face. Repeatedly.
So anyway....

9:40: Dan just sent me the following:



Steven Tyler looks horrible.

9:40: To which I responded:



Steven Tyler looks like Rachel Zoe in ten years.

Seriously – dude looks like a lady….who lunches on Palm Beach Island.

9:41: In all honesty, though? I wish I could dress like Rachel Zoe. On me, though? It would definitely look like Drunken Palm Beach Lady Who Lunches.
10:08: I want a huge cup of coffee.
10:08: 20 oz. Frosty Cold. Illy. One Cream. Two Brown Sugars.
10:09: Oooh....and a bagel! Multigrain with butter.
10:10: From here - Brooklyn Water Bagels. I can't wait for Christmas in South Florida!
11:04: Spend 15 minutes composing a mini travel guide for a co-worker's trip to London. I should be in London right now - Wandering city streets, spending entirely too much time in museums and used bookstores, hanging out with the Trans-Atlantic Best Friend and eating Ploughman's Pickle sandwiches at an absurd rate (and yes, I know Twitter would have punted me a long time ago for exceeding the 140 character limit, but since I'm using Google Docs, I see no need to be slavish to the form. And by the by? Google Docs? I love you. You're totally my BFFE!)
11:20: I think about food a lot.
11:29: I just spent three minutes spelling 'org' on the phone. That's a minute a letter. It shouldn't be that hard...
11:34: And we're back to food again thanks to this article. Crisp sandwiches, tons of cheese, frozen peas, fried spaghetti and marmite? Definitely my people.
12:03: According to Twilight, the smell of Bella's blood gives Edward a vamp woody. That being said, what happens when during Bella's 'time of the month'? Priapism? Anyone care to shed some light on this -- Stephanie Meyer, Dana, Joss Whedon, Alan Ball, Kevin Williamson....?
1:24: Megan Fox as Catwoman in Nolan's next Batman installment? I call shenanigans.
1:25: I mean, there's no way Nolan would ever cast her. She sucks.
1:27: There go the wet dreams of a thousand men...
2:15: Why does the office smell like a Cosmo? The drink, not the magazine or the Seinfeld character.
3:27: I have Under My Thumb by The Rolling Stones stuck in my head.
3:40: Just help decorate my co-worker's office with pictures of cartoon pickles. I love my office.
4:15: Knock off in ten and then, quality time with Raymond Chandler while I wait for Dan.

Grace in Small Things - 7/365

1. Finding $20 in a library book!
2. My So-Called Life on Hulu. Watching this show makes me wish I had attended a Northeastern high school in the early 90s.
3. Rainbow cookies....which are actually more like mini cakes than cookies. I especially like the kind make with raspberry preserves. Fabulous!



4. Kings of Leon.
5. The return of Top Chef and Season Five pool - Pick your favorite cheftestant and if they make it all the way -- you go out to Happy Hour and everyone buys you drinks! Best. Game. Ever. Although, if I win -- everyone gets off easy. I'm a featherweight.
6. The Goonies. Dan and I saw a midnight screening in Philly a few weeks ago and it was incredible! Definitely in my top ten of all time.

You fail at the internet. See also: Life.

For the past few months, this woman has been cc'ing me about this trip to Russia -- some student program out of Massachusetts involving presentations and meetings and all sorts of mundane stuff I really don't care about.

It's obviously a case of mistaken identity, so I've emailed her a few times stating that I'm not the intended recipient of this email chain and I'd really appreciate it if she take me off this list.

I get another email from her yesterday and within the hour, five more people had hit 'reply all', flooding my inbox with information I do not need, do not want and do not care about.

My response: "Please please please please please take me off this list."

Lots of pleases because I'm English and all about minding my Ps and Qs.

I get an email back from her today saying, "I don’t think you got this information. We really do need to meet this other Jaime, but boy does she seem like a bi...."

Genius that she is (keep in mind she's an educational program director) - she sent this to the Other Jaime . I.E. -- Me.

Awesome! Nothing like being roundly insulted by a stranger to get your weekend off to a good start!

Firstly, I'm shocked that there's someone else out there with the same name as me. Google only brings back hits that relate to me.

Secondly, if you're going to insult someone over email -- shouldn't you double-check the address? I mean, seriously.

This women is the director of a higher-level education program. I weep for the future...

Dear Carrie Bradshaw

Hi!

I'm Jaime and I'm a huge fan.

Granted, I find your punny writing somewhat obnoxious, think you're batshit insane for picking any man over Ron Livingsto...I mean, Jack Berger, have no idea how you possibly subsidize your Manolo-and-kickass-NYC-Brownstone life on a columnist's salary (I'm guessing you're probably spending lots of time underneath Republican politicians) and think some of your sartorial choices are truly wanky. Case in point:



The Dirndl dress. Really, Carrie? Really? And sidebar, this picture is 66.6 kb and I totally think that's a sign, but anyway -- apart from all that...

....OK. OK, so I'm not a huge fan, but I have a shoe dilemma and honestly, can you think of a better person to help me than a fictional fashionista with a shoe fetish?

That's what I thought.

I need a pair of boots with the following specifications:

- Affordable - $50 or less.
- Preferably black.
- Small heel -- I don't want to go completely flat because I'm pocket-sized as is and I don't want sky-high heels because I'm not a hooker.
- Relatively comfortable - because I'll be wearing them for nine hours a day.
- Suitable to wear with both jeans and business casual
- Mid-calf length - no booties, no ankle boots, no knee-highs.

So, there's your mission. Good luck and if you happen to see Berger around, send him my way. I've got a thing or two I wanna show that guy....

Thanks!

Lots of love:

Jaime xx

Grace In Small Things - 6/365

1. Finding a cute birthday present for my sister. I just hope she finds it as adorable as I do.

2. Stirrings Lemon Drop Mixer + tonic water + passion fruit flavored vodka on the rocks. I'm calling it a Sunsplash and suggesting everyone try one.

3. December 16-29 in Florida. I'm stoked!

4. The B.S. Report with Bill Simmons. Perfect for the treadmill because before you know it, you've listened to the entire podcast, laughed your ass off and managed to sneak in a pretty good work-out. Thanks, Sports Guy!

5. Sweet-Spicy-Salty Oyster Crackers -- my favorite new snack. Here's the recipe. I don't have pictures because they're never around long enough for me to actually take them.

Ingredients

1 cup oyster crackers
1 tablespoon canola oil
Pinch of cumin seeds
Pinch of salt (to taste but be careful because oyster crackers are kinda salty to begin with)
Pinch of sugar (to taste but be careful because if you add too much, the sugar will burn, stick to the bottom of the pan and you'll end up with an inedible mess instead of a tasty snack)
Pinch of hot cayenne pepper (to taste but again be careful because you know what's awesome? Not searing off all of the taste receptors in your mouth)

Directions

Heat oil in saucepan.
Once hot, add cumin seeds and let sizzle (this takes a few minutes).
Add cayenne pepper and let sizzle.
Add salt and sugar and shake mixture.
Add oyster crackers and fold until crackers are covered in spice mixture.
Turn off heat and let sit for two or three minutes.
Enjoy!

Serve with a cold drink and good movie/television show.

Fall Scene

Fall Scene, originally uploaded by LB2556.

I have been living in the north entirely too long because I'm actually looking forward to fall.

Me -- the girl of perpetual summer (although I do love Florida winters - hoodies and flip-flops ♥)

A nip in the air that makes you snuggle deeper into your hoodie, running around with Ryely on sun-splashed chilly days, seasonal hot coffee, the bright blush of the leaves, football season, the way the stars seem brighter and more crystalline in cold weather, wearing boots (when have I ever favored boots over flip-flops? Pennsylvania, what are you doing to me?), sweatpants, new fall television (Dollhouse and Fringe come back!), Thanksgiving, sleeping in on cold Sunday mornings and cuddling under the covers.

It's been a great summer and it's going to be a lovely fall...