Damn you, Nip/Tuck

I'm doing the DVD-on-TV thing with Nip/Tuck and last night, I watched the episode where Sean is attacked by The Carver.

Intense and terrifying episode. In addition to a brutal rape scene [I saw about three seconds of it before squeezing my eyes shut and telling The Best Friend to let me know when it was over], the episode also featured this horrific shot of Sean washing his face in the mirror, looking up and seeing The Carver right there behind him.

I knew it was coming. It was completely obvious, but when I saw it -- I still leapt six feet in the air.

As a result, I am up at 5:00 a.m. after one of the worst nights of sleep in my life. What can I tell you? It was a psychological beatdown....but so well done.

I wonder who this guy is and why he hates the modern ideal of beauty so much. I'm guessing he's one of Sean and Christian's former patients. He went through surgery, but his life didn't miraculously change as he expected and therefore, he's lashing out at the world. There's only one issue with that, though. He's got to have some sort of medical knowledge because how would he:

a) have access to the "waking coma" paralyzing agent
and
b) how would he know to administer a non-lethal dose?

I realize this is all old-hat by now, but don't ruin it for me. I'm completely rapt.

The last disc of season two is supposed to come in at the end of this week [Blockbuster Online = ♥] and from what everyone tells me -- the season finale is amazing. Can't wait for that.

Years of rock shows = acute hearing loss

Jaime: Yo, Zelda Fitzgerald was a bitch.
Sparky: What about fruit salad?
Jaime: What?!
Sparky: You said something about fruit salad.
Jaime: No, I said 'Zelda Fitzgerald was a bitch.'
Sparky: Oh, I thought you said, 'Yo! I want some fruit salad, bitch!'

Music is greater than or equal to love*

I am in love.

This is why all the other bookshelves laugh at mine. Because she is stacked with books about rock and roll.

Hemingway? Absent. Dickens? Nonexistent. Poe? No. Hell, I don't even have any chick-lit. No shocking pink tales of sassy women and martinis.

All I have is pages and pages about rock and roll and how it will save your soul and deliver you from...nowhere. Rock biographies detailing the lives of Aerosmith and Stevie Ray Vaughan. Studies into the very soul of Springsteen. Tiny tomes combining Zen Buddhism and six string serenades.

Of all these books I love, the one thing I love the most is hearing musicians on musicians. Before they're musicians, before they even pick up an axe or a pair of drum sticks -- they're fans. It makes them a little less mythic and a little more human knowing they have the same heroes and idols as you do. Check out Dave Grohl on Led Zeppelin. You'll see what I mean.

A Nickel's Worth of Free Advice -- check out the following. You'll be a better person for it.

• Dale Stephanos. I love his Robert Johnson and John Lee Hooker pieces.
• Raymond Chandler.
• Rehearsals.com
  
• Pretend You Don't Know -- Time and Distance
• My Flickr Favorites

* Title changed for the sole reason that William The Conquerer referred to himself as a mathematician and that's just badass.

Zack + Kelly = True Love 4-Ever

Forget Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde and Noah and Allie.

Zack and Kelly? That's a real love story.

Yesterday for lunch, I had a soft-boiled egg and a quickie. Now, if I could add TV to the equation, that would really be the ultimate.

Check out I Am Fuel, You Are Friends to get a dose of G. Love and Special Sauce. Smooth grooves, implementation of a harmonica and one of the best band names ever. You really can't ask for more. Download Hot Cookin' and Baby Got Sauce and then, head on over to check out Virginia Tech's Finest covering Milk and Cereal. Badassery at its finest.

Britney Spears is the reason RU-486 was invented. And here's the worst part -- she's someone's mother. Yeah. Think about that. So, call your mom. Call her right now and thank her for not being Britney Spears. Also, tell her you love her. Moms love that kind of stuff.

On a related note -- you know you're a bad mother when this goes down.

Stephen Colbert is totally my hero....but I'm still hopelessly devoted to Wikipedia. Knowledge is my porn. God, I'm such a nerd. Why are people friends with me?

If you're in the Orlando area, check out the House Blend Cafe. Delicious food, great prices and 100% of the net profits go to community restoration projects. Philanthrophy and full stomach? You can't go wrong.

I just got the nicest phone call from someone working for Charlie Crist. We talked about being English and unable to vote. See, this kind of telemarketing I can handle. However, when people start yelling at me about identity theft, that's when I start getting a little perturbed. Telemarketers -- be more like the guy from Oxford who called me. You'll get a lot further.

And to wrap this all up:

A conversation between my sister and I yesterday:

Sparky: Hilary Duff did Good Charlotte!
Jaime: The whole band?! Jesus, she went from virgin to whore in 0.3 seconds.
Sparky: I think it was just Joel.
Jaime: He's a very unfortunately looking man. What's up with him hanging out with The Game and Young Jeezy and stuff? He's not "with it." He's not "down."
Sparky: Oh, he's down. Down on Hilary Duff!
Jaime: Ugh...dude....

I mean, that thing's good. I wanna be friends with it.

A conversation between The Best Friend and I:

Jaime: You know who's got a great butt?
The Best Friend: Who?
Jaime: Jessica Alba:
The Best Friend: [Unintelligible noises that sound like a combination between heavy breathing, gurgling and Homer Simpson's Mmmmm noise].
Jaime: Dude, are you OK?
The Best Friend: Sorry -- I was just thinking about Jessica Alba's ass.
Jaime: Do all men act like that when doing so?
The Best Friend: Pretty much.

So, here's the mission. I need to get my butt to the gym and make it look as bad-ass as Jessica Alba's.

Love: iTunes Style

A musical chronology of a relationship in three discs.

I Alone -- Live
I See You, Baby -- Groove Armada
Love At First Sight -- Kylie Minogue
I've Got You Under My Skin -- Frank Sinatra
I Want You To Want Me -- Cheap Trick
Sitting, Waiting, Wishing -- Jack Johnson
Here's Everything I Always Meant To Say -- Jamison-Parker
Are You Gonna Be My Girl? -- Jet
Can't Help Falling In Love -- UB40
All Day Love Affair -- Cee-Lo
Friday, I'm In Love -- The Cure
How Sweet It Is [To Be Loved By You] -- Marvin Gaye feat. Tami Terrell
Let's Stay Together -- Al Green
Always -- Bon Jovi


Here In Your Bedroom -- Goldfinger
Up All Night -- Unwritten Law
Talk Dirty To Me -- Poison
Caress Me Down -- Sublime
Underneath Your Clothes -- Shakira
What's Your Fantasy? -- Ludacris
Back Door Man -- Howlin' Wolf
Never Gonna Get It -- En Vogue
She Won't Let Me Fucc -- Afroman
Please Forgive Me -- Bryan Adams
Come Back To Bed -- John Mayer
I'll Make Love To You -- Boyz II Men
Deep Inside of You -- Third Eye Blind
Bump 'N Grind -- R. Kelly
I Want To Be There When You Come -- Echo and the Bunnymen
That's All -- Michael Buble
I Touch Myself -- The Divinyls


Get Off My Back, Woman -- John Lee Hooker feat. B.B. King
If That's Your Boyfriend [It Wasn't Last Night] -- Me'Shell NdegeOcello
Baby Did A Bad, Bad Thing -- Chris Isaak
Screaming Infidelities -- Dashboard Confessional
Your Cheating Heart -- Hank Williams Sr.
Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone -- Bill Withers
Anthem For The Broken Hearted -- Jamison-Parker
No Woman, No Cry -- Bob Marley
The Honeymoon is Over -- The Cruel Sea
One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer -- George Thorogood and the Destroyers
Pretty Fucked Up -- Supersuckers
I Alone -- Live

Honey, You're Too Sweet For Rock 'N Roll

Hi. I'm Jaime and I'm not really too sweet for rock 'n roll. I just ripped that off from my favorite Cameron Crowe movie, Almost Famous.

I'm a writer (award-winning, published and more than willing to freelance), a published photographer and pop-culture junkie.

I'm also:



a daughter (they have every right to look embarassed. I mean, look at the sunglasses I'm wearing), a sister (she listens to cooler music, watches cooler TV and movies and she blogs)



a best friend and a crew lifer (I'm the one in the black and white dress with the chicken legs).

And since we're making lists, I'm also an ex-Pat Brit, a UCF alumnus, an aunt, a sucker for giving dogs 'people food', a Miami Dolphins fan, a terrible driver and at 4'11", considerably shorter than the average American woman.

I'm also engaged.



That's my ridiculously cute fiance, Dan. He's Irish, he digs Lost, has great taste in music and makes the world's best grilled cheese sandwiches. And he always looks that cute. Even when he first wakes up. It's kind of annoying, actually. Especially if you're the kind of girl who has to wrestle with a flat iron for 20 minutes every day to look remotely human (I'm that kind of girl). Anyway, we met online when we were fifteen. Yes, there is a story behind that and you can read it here.

I have alternately awesome and awful taste in everything.

Movies: The Back To The Future Trilogy, Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, Swingers, Superbad, American Beauty, Shakespeare In Love, Love Actually, Good Will Hunting, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Keeping The Faith, the Indiana Jones trilogy and Before Sunset.

Television: Lost, The Office (UK and US), The Hills (which I actually recap weekly on this very blog), Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, Top Chef, Weeds and lots of TV-on-DVD -- Party of Five, Blackadder, My So-Called Life, Sex and the City, Penn and Teller's Bullshit, Freaks and Geeks, Arrested Development...

Books and Magazines: Rolling Stone magazine, Esquire magazine, most rock (auto)biographies, High Fidelity by Nick Hornby and The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Music: Stevie Ray Vaughan, Madonna, The Black Crowes, Something Corporate, Jack's Mannequin, The Rolling Stones, Everclear, The Foo Fighters, Notorious B.I.G., Augustana, Justin Timberlake, Al Green, Guns 'N Roses (pre-batshit-crazy Axl), Velvet Revolver, Slash, The Beatles, Ryan Adams, Aerosmith, U2, Led Zeppelin, Bruce Springsteen, CCR, New Found Glory, G. Love and Special Sauce, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Prince and anything else that catches my ear.

Randomly:

- I have a crush on Ron Livingston...much to the chagrin of pretty much everyone in my life.
- Betsey Johnson and Kate Spade make me happy and one day, I'll own pieces by both.
- Other things that make me happy? Wawa runs, Target, writing, used bookstores, taking pictures, wandering around cities, avocados, mangoes, fruity margaritas, tex-mex cuisine, frocks and flip-flops, skinny decaf lattes, making mix CDs and Verdi Sparkletinis.
- I fractured my right ankle in an attempt to meet the band Everclear.
- I have a thyroid condition that affects my heart. Decaf and me? We're BFF.

That's about it, but if you have any questions, leave a comment and I'll get back to you.



Peace in the Middle East and everywhere else.

J xx